


Scientific Methods

by tzzzz



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ancient Technology, Artificial Insemination, Bisexuality, Cut off from Earth, Fertility Issues, First Time, Gay For You, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mad Science, Medical Procedures, Miscarriage, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Pregnant Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:18:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 27,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tzzzz/pseuds/tzzzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seemed logical for John to pass on his ATA gene.  Then it seemed logical for Rodney to do it with him.  Then it seemed logical to have sex with Rodney.  And then it seemed logical to keep having sex with Rodney until it's not logic, but something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Characterization

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for lies_d who requested an mpreg fic where Atlantis has been cut off from Earth and John and Rodney use an ancient device to procreate, focused more on trying to get pregnant, also a new relationship flavor.

"Long-term socio-strategic planning," John grumbled. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" Elizabeth was a good leader most of the time, but she had her roots in the great bureaucratic machine of international relations and those roots showed every once and a while.

Rodney snorted. "Claudio's coming, so something about grain storage, I'm sure. Or maybe, if we're lucky, you're going to talk about how we protect ourselves against imaginary future enemies." Rodney would probably only like that because John would be completely unprepared for it. After the defeat of the Wraith, they hadn't had a galaxy-wide crises in over a year now. John was getting rusty.

"Well, what Elizabeth wants, Elizabeth gets," he admitted. At this point in her mood swings, John would get up and give a powerpoint presentation on Teletubbies just to appease her.

"Seriously, the more pregnant she gets, the more terrifying." Rodney appeared to shudder. "I'm ready to just crown her queen and let her have everything she wants until she's popped the kid out." That was a pretty big admission for Rodney, who himself often seemed to want the role.

John privately agreed, but he elbowed Rodney in the ribs for good measure, whispering, "Chicken."

"Yes, and it was some other spiky-haired Major I saw hiding behind a potted plant when the mess ran out of those black potato pancakes she likes."

John shrugged, flopping down into the chair beside Rodney's in his best devil-may-care slouch, perfected over the years for maximum annoyance.

"No matter how much you torture your spine, you're still not cute," Rodney retorted.

"Good, because I was going for cool."

Rodney's righteous eyeroll was interrupted by Elizabeth's waddling entry (not a description John would use to her face). Carson, Teyla, Kate, Claudio, and Bohai followed. John pushed himself subtly away from Rodney, back to the proper distance for colleagues at a work meeting. He also made sure not to stand and help Elizabeth into her chair. He'd learned his lesson at their personnel review meeting: only Carson could apparently get away with 'outdated chivalry,' and only then because he had the doctor thing to fall back on. 

Elizabeth took longer than usual to settle in, but she started the meeting with her habitual no-nonsense flair, diving right into the topic after a brief good morning. "I'm sure you're all wondering what long-term socio-strategic planning means."

John met Rodney's eye with a smirk.

"We're coming up on our fourth anniversary on our own in Pegasus," Elizabeth remarked calmly. They'd already had a meeting about planned festivities. "I know that the majority of the expedition now considers Atlantis their home. However, we haven't been willing to face the fact that at this point there is only a slim chance we will ever make it back to Earth."

"Actually, I think I covered that quite a few times, when I reminded everyone exactly how screwed we were, maybe the first two days."

"Yes, Rodney, how could I forget?" Elizabeth had gotten more sarcastic over the years and John was always surprised by how much he liked it. "But I'm not talking about being 'screwed.' I'm talking about embracing the fact that Atlantis has become essentially a colony of Earth, a place that may no longer exist so far as we know. We've been self-determinate for some time now, but we keep holding on to old social institutions and expectations as though we're still accountable to Earth."

"Aren't we?" John asked. Elizabeth knew Earth politics a whole hell of a lot better than John, and even John knew that a few billion lightyears couldn't quash the need of those in control to keep that control. "You're saying that if Earth opens a wormhole out here tomorrow, we won't be held accountable?" John was waiting for the long 'performance review to end all performance reviews' when that day came, starting with how he killed his commanding officer almost on arrival and then continuing on down the long list of names of people he'd lost while in command, many of them civilians.

"They might try," Elizabeth acknowledged, giving every impression that _try_ would be all they'd do. "But we can't live in constant fear of that possibility. We've dialed them every month for a year now without the gate connecting."

"Live in fear of finally getting real coffee and cable tv?" Rodney scoffed. Rodney, at least, never seemed to fear being held accountable for his actions. If he did, he would've learned to think before speaking a long time ago. 

"Maybe fear isn't the right word," Elizabeth replied. "But we shouldn't have to live with Earth hanging over our heads. We've got ZPMs and a good shield. We defeated the Wraith. We have an amazing city to call our own and have adapted to live with its level of technology not that of Earth. We're in a different galaxy and we're a sovereign entity! We should change our behavior accordingly." Elizabeth also had her Utopian moods, and it was hard not to get swept up in them.

"What exactly do you have in mind, Elizabeth?" Teyla asked, looking a little too interested for the innocently curious facade she tried to project. After years of watching her negotiate, John knew that Teyla only got this kind of interested when she saw an opportunity to 'influence' the discussion in her favor.

"First, I'd like us to stop living as though we're in the barracks and open up tower three for housing arrangements."

"So you and Radek have finally grown tired of your quaint little love nest?" Rodney remarked.

Elizabeth's only acknowledgment of his comment was to lay a hand on her growing belly and barrel onwards. "Also, I'd like to give Claudio and his team the go-ahead to open up the central greenhouses and forestry terraces for long-term cultivation."

"Thank you." Claudio looked far too pleased with himself, but then again, John remembered that Claudio had brought vine clippings from his family's vineyard as his one personal item and had snuck mass planting them into some long-term proposal. John winked at him.

"I'd also recommend cutting back to shorter working days," Kate interjected. "We're no longer at war and living with that schedule and mindset is a considerable stressor."

Rodney, predictably, didn't like that idea. "I'm a scientist! Even on Earth we don't work nine to five."

"Nobody is asking you to, Rodney," Kate replied in her usual disturbingly placating manner. "I'm just stating that the work hours required could be scaled back. Real weekends instead of mandatory rest days would go a long way towards improving conditions here."

Elizabeth grinned, clearly pleased to have Kate in her corner. But, then again, when was Kate ever _not_ in Elizabeth's corner? "You're absolutely right, Kate. But I'm also talking about fundamentally changing the social structure. Which means tossing regulations that should have been abolished years ago."

"Like what?" Claudio asked. Normally he knew better than to speak up at meetings in Rodney's presence (as an inferior _horticultural_ scientist), but was clearly still high off his wine-planting victory.

"Don't ask, don't tell, for one," Elizabeth was quick to supply. Sometimes John wondered if she and Kate and the 'inferior' scientists got together in advance to orchestrate John and Rodney's cooperation.

"Considering how hard we've had to work not to ask Fletcher and Peterson, I'd say that's not a particularly significant change." Rodney was so flippant about it that John almost did a double take. While not gay himself, John didn't appreciate the military's closed-minded rules concerning homosexuality. John still remembered when his best Apache mechanic had gotten discharged after a fellow serviceman saw him coming out of a gay bar. John had been so shocked that he didn't think how bad it would look complaining to his CO about it. He was just lucky that Colonel Johnson had agreed that it was a damned stupid waste of a great mechanic. 

And then John's best friend in college had been gay. James Anderson loved college football and computer science and had been a great friend. John tried not to think about it too much. That path only led to regrets, and years trapped in a small city with his therapist had finally taught John that he couldn't get caught up in guilt and regrets and the desire to make his own absolution for his sins.

"John?" Elizabeth asked, giving him a firm, but puzzled look. She'd obviously expected his support and John had no objections. She'd get it.

"I'll make the announcement right away. I doubt it'll change things, but it's the right thing to do."

Everyone seemed happy with that decision - Rodney, especially, but that was probably only because he planned to lecture John on his country's outdated and inhumane policies the second the meeting was over.

"I'm glad that's settled," Elizabeth smiled. "Now, the main item on the agenda. Maintaining a population in the city."

Quick as a snake snapping up it's prey, Teyla made her intentions known. "The easiest way to maintain a population in this city would be to allow the people of Pegasus to inhabit it alongside your people and mine."

"Absolutely," Elizabeth smiled. "That is one prong of our long-term population goals. We'll start small, of course. I'd like to begin with a guest wing for visiting dignitaries, then expand to a live-in population representing embassies. We'll have to start small until the greenhouses can sustain a larger population and after we've stockpiled supplies enough for a siege situation, but eventually, I'd like to start a marketplace and support a population of civilian merchants."

"An admirable goal," Teyla acknowledged. "I would like to assist you with work on this project immediately."

"I was just about to ask."

"What about the second prong?" John asked.

"The second prong is more difficult. For all we know, Earth is no longer in existence, which is why we have not been able to contact them. While the differences between Pegasus humans and Earth humans is subtle, they are distinct populations, not to mention distinct cultures. We have a responsibility to maintain our culture and our genetic base - to preserve our people."

"The anthropologists have been working on a comprehensive Earth-database for years now," Rodney complained. "And I don't doubt that people living in this city will pick up some of our culture. The parts worth preserving, at least. Right, Teyla?"

Teyla responded with a strained smile. 

"And genetically, we're not all that different," John added. Elizabeth wasn't the first person to get married or knocked up, and some of those had been between members of the expedition and Pegasus natives. Basic biology said that if they could breed, they were all part of the same species.

"Aye, but there are some differences that could be very important," Carson piped up. "Disease resistance, for example - due to the large populations on Earth, Earth humans have much healthier viral and bacterial resistance than found in Pegasus. Also, the ATA gene and its associated genetic markers. The Wraith had a policy of killing anyone they found with Ancient DNA, so we've found only a handful of Pegasus natives with the gene and it has been weaker in them than any of the natural Earth carriers. If you think about all the changes that can occur between two populations in a period of ten thousand years, than you will appreciate that Earth humans are a distinct sub-population that should be preserved for preservation's sake."

"So what? We freeze some DNA samples for future use?" John asked.

"No, I think we need to focus on more active efforts. The expedition's population is not large enough to avoid inbreeding problems over successive generations, but if we strategically plan our reproductive efforts this generation, we can set a good foundation to preserve the Earth human genome in the future."

"Um, no offense, Carson, but doesn't that sound a little creepy?" Disgusting, more like it. John thought people had sex with who they wanted and had children with who they wanted and that was life. Not only did planning it out sound to reminiscent of the Nazis, it was a plain invasion of privacy.

"It's not a fun subject to discuss," Elizabeth agreed. "However, it's something we have to consider. Everything will be voluntary, of course. We can just encourage people to think about the survival of our population."

"Oh, okay," Rodney used his most vicious sarcasm. "We'll just tell people that for the good of their species, they should bend over and think of Earth. Glad to see you're taking the moral high ground, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth was not pleased, but at least John could tell that she seemed to be forcing herself to remain calm. It was a familiar expression when Rodney was concerned. "There's no reason why we can't handle this situation with the utmost of dignity while still maintaining our population goals. Carson, why don't you outline your proposal?"

Rodney looked as sick as John felt. The whole discussion seemed surreal, not to mention deeply disturbing. He'd thought Elizabeth was a feminist, but here she was, crowning Carson king of the gene pool.

"Well, there are several different goals in this situation." Carson seemed a little embarrassed, if the flush of his cheeks and the way he addressed his presentation to the tabletop was any indication, but he didn't appear uncomfortable in the realm of eugenics. How could a man cry when one of his lab mice died and then not care that he was dictating how people would carry out their reproductive lives?

"Our first goal is to create as many Terran/Terran crosses as possible this generation. Because the time for gestation of the fetus is a limiting factor in this case, women should be encouraged to consider pregnancy sooner rather than later and with other expedition members, if possible. There are already many couples, but for those who are not in a relationship and do not want to be, we should set up a sperm bank. Use of the bank should be random and anonymous, but with as many diverse samples used as possible."

"I agree with you that preservation of the people of Earth is important," Kate interjected, "But I'm uncomfortable placing such a heavy burden on the women of this expedition, especially assuming that what would be in the best interest of our genome would be to keep all of the women on this base pregnant for the rest of their reproductive years."

"Unfortunately, the biological burden is unavoidable. However, we can easily set up methods for open adoption of for women to sign up to serve as surrogates for men who would like to raise their own child. The male to female ratio of the expedition is three to one, so there won't be a shortage of helping hands to raise children."

"We could additionally learn from child-rearing strategies in this galaxy," Bohai, the expedition's senior anthropologist interjected. "In many societies, predation pressure from the Wraith has created a similar need to reproduce near biological capacity simply to maintain a population through the cullings. Also, the threat of losing a parent in a culling is high, so we have observed multiple-parent family units on many worlds. Something similar could work here."

"We'll introduce the idea," Elizabeth agreed, though she probably had the same doubts as John when it came to people from Earth being flexible enough to accept such a novel cultural concept. Then again, a multiple-parent household didn't necessarily mean an orgy, so that might not be bad. John, Ronon and Rodney were almost like fumbling, ineffective parents to Teyla's two children.

"Our second challenge," Carson continued with his presentation, "after preservation of our subspecies, is preservation of the beneficial traits that have evolved on Earth. We can do this by mixing with the population of Pegasus."

"So you want us to go out there and just sow our seed!" Rodney immediately protested.

"Well, I think that repealing our zero tolerance policy on sexual or marriage rituals would be a start. But I'm not suggesting that we have a one night stand with the whole galaxy and leave off the condom. I think that once there are more people living on the base, intermarriage will occur on its own. However, for those worlds that do put a high value on outside genetic material, we can open up our sperm bank in addition to encouraging those who are willing to participate in rituals."

John remembered one of the rituals. They'd had him drugged and tied up, about to be raped by an alien priestess, before Rodney and Teyla had broken in and rescued him. John's policy was still zero tolerance and always would be. He didn't want any little Sheppards running around out there in the galaxy without being able to take care of them.

"Last but not least," Carson added, "there's the matter of the ATA gene."

John groaned.

"Now, now, Major, there's nothing to get upset about."

"Nothing to get upset about?! If we're talking about the ATA gene, we're talking about putting me out to stud."

Elizabeth winced. "We are not 'putting you out to stud,' John. Carson is simply suggesting that spreading the ATA gene to the people of Pegasus is a good thing, considering that Ancient technology is even more their legacy than it is ours."

"That's what the gene therapy is for!" And John hadn't even been happy about donating his genes to that.

"Except the gene therapy does not persist from generation to generation," Carson countered. "Gene therapy itself is a very new and uncertain field, and it has not yet advanced to the level where it is safe to modify gamete cells. So, even though the majority of other cells in the body of someone with the artificial gene with have that gene, their sperm or eggs will be unaffected by the change. This is important because it prevents high levels of birth defects in future offspring."

"So we give the ATA therapy to all the kids you have the expedition pumping out. No big deal," John replied.

"John," Carson sighed. "We all know that the gene therapy only delivers the gene itself and a few of necessary secondary characteristics we've identified that make use of Ancient technology possible. However, there are still some technologies that can only be used by people like yourself."

"Look," John growled. "You can 'encourage' the others all you want, but if this program is voluntary, then I am not volunteering. You can pass your ATA gene on all you want, Carson, but leave me out of it."

John had never stormed out of a meeting before, but this seemed like it might be a good time to start.

What he didn't need was Elizabeth doubting his commitment to this expedition and the people of Earth over a "fear of commitment" and "conservative values." Fuck her. But John stayed in the meeting until Rodney finally declared that enough was enough and he'd look into alternative solutions to the issue, but that he wasn't behind the current plan as it stood. 

Elizabeth seemed shocked, but all John felt was grateful.


	2. Hypothesis

John lay back in his bed, calmly ordering the Ancient in-room display to show the next page in his latest novel. Most of the things the Ancients had written were flowery essays on enlightenment, but they had a flair for epic literature as well. John had finished War and Peace years ago, despite his best efforts. Now, the story of Ataris and Humod was actually pretty engrossing, never mind that the novel conveniently skipped over the details of how the two men managed to conceive four children. Maybe if they figured that out, Carson would leave the women of the expedition alone. 

As a member of the armed forces for over twenty years, John knew that voluntary wasn't really voluntary if your country, or in this case, your planet, was at stake. He didn't envy the women who didn't want to have children, or even be pregnant (which seemed like a pretty terrifying thing to John), but would be facing peer pressure, and pressure from the expedition's leaders, to basically be birthing machines to preserve the genome. Who cared? People were people, in John's humble opinion.

John looked around his familiar quarters. Sure, his bed wasn't meant for a full-grown man and the whole thing was still pretty spartan, despite Teyla's numerous offers to take him trading for better decorations. John had lived in military housing most of his life; he didn't need much. Still, he doubted that once they opened up the new tower he'd be able to keep his room here. Elizabeth was serious about making the city a colony and she'd want him to set an example and move out so that the rooms housed in the control tower could be converted into open bunk space for use during crisis situations, most likely their original purpose.

The expedition was turning into the Ancients now, as a matter of urban geography. The 'Terran' population used their labs, read their literature, utilized their city in the exact way the Ancients did. And now Carson wanted to seed the galaxy with John's little swimmers like the Ancients had seeded human civilization. John resented Elizabeth's accusations that he wasn't ready to make this his home. It was his home; he should get some say in how he lived in it and he sure as hell didn't want to live like an Ancient.

He turned off the stupid display, pulling out his battered old laptop and searching the server for a good old Earth movie to watch. He hadn't decided between Indiana Jones and Pulp Fiction when his door rang.

John didn't even bother standing up, just giving the mental command to open it. 'More Ancient by the day,' he thought to himself.

John wasn't surprised to find Rodney standing on the other side of the door. Rodney stopped by almost every day now, either to play chess or race the remote-controlled cleaning robots they found a while back, or just chat a little (i.e. complain about the minions while John kept reading his book). But with Rodney's appearance, John's morose musings were soon forgotten. Rodney had been irritable, annoying, and sometimes downright terrifying to work around that first year, but now just seeing him brought a smile to John's face. He was probably the best friend John had ever had and they got to explore a whole galaxy full of aliens, spaceships, and cool technology together.

Rodney wore his trademarked expression: 70% excited, 30% nervous, one that John had come to appreciate over the years. Rodney had looked exactly that way when he unveiled the plan to modify the operation of the star drive to emit a subspace pulse that would destroy the Wraith and when he found an entry in the database for a planet that had both history of violent civil unrest and a dark-colored bitter bean with stimulant properties. It was an expression that usually lead to good things. 

"Hey, buddy," John greeted. "What's up?"

Rodney wrung his hands, jumping a little when the door closed behind him. He paced across John's room a few times, before John finally snapped and ordered him to take a seat on the bed.

When it became clear that Rodney wasn't going to start in on whatever he planned to tell him, John scooted up next to him and gave him a nudge. "C'mon, Rodney. What is it? I haven't seen you this nervous since you asked Althea out on a date."

"Well," Rodney gulped. "The situation's not entirely dissimilar."

Was Rodney gearing for another spectacularly awkward dating experience? Because John really wasn't ready for another ride on that merry-go-round. Althea had been mild compared to Merrin from the United Peoples of Tandor, and Rodney's brief attempt to date an anthropologist. John would have happily gone his whole life without helping Rodney pick the sap of the traditional yabba fruit from PY9-0334 out of his hair to show to her.

But John braced himself for it. After all, Rodney was his best friend. He knew John better than anyone ever had, saved his life, took care of him when he was down, talked with him for hours about the most meaningless things and still managed to keep John interested. John owed him, so he put on his most encouraging smile and asked, "So, who's the lucky lady?"

"Actually, um, there is no lucky lady." Rodney didn't meet John's eyes and his hands sat listlessly in his lap instead of gesturing wildly as usual. "I was thinking more about Carson and the eugenics brigade."

"Are you on the side of replacement babies and genetic purity or do you want to spread our superior genes throughout the galaxy?" There was no right way to discuss _fecundity_ and there was no right answer. Of course John didn't want Earth humans to die off as a group in Pegasus, but he didn't see what was wrong with Teyla's plan of moving as many people to the city as possible, giving them the gene therapy and teaching them how to use the technology. It was the intellectual legacy that really mattered.

"I think that Carson and Elizabeth have babies on the brain, but I can't discount the validity of the point that we should in the very least ensure that the natural ATA gene gets passed on. There are some devices that still only work for natural gene carriers and medicine just isn't enough of a science to tell us why."

John didn't bother to mention that Rodney might be able to figure that one out without the doctors because he was too busy glowering. John would've thought that at least Rodney would be on his side after he'd basically told Elizabeth and Carson to shove it this afternoon. Maybe some guys had the fantasy of being put out for stud service, but John hated the idea. His genes were _his._ He'd done enough by letting Carson use his ATA gene for the therapy. And if he were to have any children out there, he wanted to have the pleasure of watching them grow up, something he'd never thought he'd have after the divorce with Nancy.

"Well, too bad you don't have the natural gene, then," John snapped. "It'd be yours to spread around. You could have your own little McKay farm. In fact, if you buy all this crap that Carson is sprouting about genetic variability and specialized skill sets, then you can start breeding your army of geniuses. But my body is still my body and I'm not--"

"John," Rodney looked pained, grabbing John's arm to derail his anger. "Sorry, I really screwed this up. I get that you don't want to just start impregnating women left and right. You know that when I call you Kirk, I'm only joking. But I think it wouldn't be such a terrible thing if maybe you passed your genes along. I mean, you're smart, loyal, athletic, and you don't need me to tell you that you're, um, very attractive. Objectively, I mean."

John blushed a little. Sure, he knew that he was someone that people were often attracted to and he'd gotten used to it over the years, but to have Rodney say it made something heat up inside of him. Maybe because Rodney was always so resistant to giving praise that even an honest assessment of something John already knew felt like the highest compliment. 

"Maybe, but I missed my chance at a happy family. And I don't want to inflict that on some woman. Women plural, if I let Carson have his way."

Rodney snorted. "Carson is a population geneticist who works primarily on gene therapies. Of course he has a little bit of Dr. Frankenstein in him. He's probably the proud yenta of about a million fruit fly babies by now. I'm not talking a Sheppard farm, or a McKay farm for that matter; I'm more on the replacement side. I want my genes to go on to the next generation and I'm done wooing women who never really wanted me from the beginning."

"I'm a little confused here, Rodney. If you don't want to do the sperm lottery thing and you don't want to date, then what are you talking about? And you don't have the natural gene anyhow."

Rodney turned, very deliberately to John, taking a deep breath. "This is probably going to be incredibly awkward, so just bear with me. This is a brilliant plan, I can sense it."

John nodded, wracking his brain for what Rodney could possibly be thinking, but coming up empty.

"We have two goals - get us to pass on our genes and to do it without getting anybody knocked up who we don't want to raise our kids or who doesn't really want to. Easy solution. I like you. I trust you to raise my kids. I would be honored to pass on my genes with you, so we'll do it together."

John burst out laughing. "Very funny, Rodney. Last I checked, you're a man and I'm a man. We can't have kids together."

Except, to John's horror, Rodney had that smug smile on his face, the one that said 'I made a ridiculous statement just to dare you to tell me it's ridiculous so I can make a fool out of you when I prove I'm right.' "You have got to be kidding me."

"Hey, you're reading Ataris and Humod with the rest of the reading group, aren't you? They have _four_ kids."

"I thought you hated the book group for channeling Oprah when we had all finally put a million light years between us and her."

"I do hate the book group, but I'm not going to do any pleasure reading in Ancient and the translator isn't as good as the linguists who run the thing."

"Are you actually giving linguistics some respect? After that memo outlining the many ways monkeys with typewriters could be more effective?"

"Hey, they misplaced a coma and I lost my eyebrow; I was entitled. And stop being cute and let me make my point."

"And your point is?"

"That I'm right and you are oh-so-wrong, because Ataris and Humod wasn't just some fairytale. I found the reference in database to the machine that adjusts physiology so that a man can become pregnant."

John had to admit that he'd been warming up to the idea the way he imagined it - like in Ataris and Humod, where there was a chapter break and suddenly a son magically appeared. Maybe some kind of artificial womb would have been workable. John liked Rodney and agreed that he deserved to have his genes passed on, but the idea of being _pregnant_. "Hell no. That's just unnatural."

Rodney deflated. "I knew this was going to be really awkward. But I get it. Like all the other women, you like me enough to occasionally put up with me, but the idea of my genes mixing with yours disgusts you."

"What?!" John snapped. He really hated when Rodney got into this little death spirals of insecurity. John actually liked Rodney's confidence, even if his ego sometimes sucked the oxygen out of the room. John absolutely despised whoever had made Rodney think that he was anything less than a great catch. Okay, he was awkward sometimes and John got genuinely angry with him at least twice a month, but Rodney was a good man and anyone who was secure in themselves could deal with Rodney making an ass of himself every once and a while. 

John reached out and threw and arm around Rodney's shoulder even though Rodney stiffened, trying to pull away. "I would be honored to share my genes with you. In fact, you're one of the few people currently in my life who I would even consider raising a kid with."

"Really?" Rodney's glazed eyes looked hopeful.

"Really. But I'm not letting you knock me up, so you can forget it."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't dare ask that of you. I know how cranky you get if you miss even one morning torture session with Ronon. And I don't want to have to deal with you cooped up in the city. I'm perfectly happy to stay home eating whatever I have a craving for and working on my research."

John was honestly shocked. Rodney, who went to the infirmary over a paper cut and worried constantly about whatever diseases he could possibly be getting just by breathing the same air as stupid people, wanted to volunteer his body for incubating a football-sized object? And it wasn't just pregnancy, but experimental male pregnancy. "Are you feeling all right, McKay? Because we're talking about being _pregnant_ here."

Rodney went back to avoiding John's gaze, which meant an emotional confession was coming up and John's first instinct was to run for cover, but he didn't, giving Rodney his full attention. 

"I agreed the idea is more than a little terrifying. But I really do want at least one kid and I don't see it happening any other way."

"Sperm lottery, remember?" John prompted.

"But then the kid would go to the mother or be raised in some hippie commune arrangement and that's not what I want. I want a family."

"With me?" John remembered what Nancy had said and the truth of it still stung. She'd said that John would do anything to protect someone, but if he had no idea how to even give his wife what she needed, how could he possibly expect to be able to raise a family?

"Well, yeah. You are the best friend I've ever had. And I think, um, genetically, at least, we're a good match. I mean, if there was a woman around here who would work, I would've found her already. I'm not ready to give up on having a family and I want you to be able to pass on your ATA gene. Actually, I want you to be able to pass on all your genes. If we're not going sperm lottery route, then I think the most logical choice is to do this together."

John still had no idea how Rodney getting pregnant and logic went together, but he supposed that if he wasn't getting knocked up and Rodney _wanted_ to do it, then it wasn't too different from the incubation machine idea. Rodney would probably be insufferable for the majority of the pregnancy, but John was largely immune.

He pictured a little boy with Rodney's blue eyes and John's build, making paper airplanes and teaching him how to play football and watching Rodney show him all the wonders of the universe in this magical city. He found he kind of liked the idea.

"Well?" Rodney asked, looking excited and eager once again, nudging John. 

"How about you find the machine, make sure this is even possible and let Fletcher and Peterson know about it for good measure, and I'll think about it."

"Is that an 'appease him by telling him I'll think about it' kind of 'I'll think about it' or is it an 'I'll go off and do my manly brooding by getting beat up by Teyla' 'I'll think about about it?'"

John shook his head. "It's an 'I'll think about it' 'I'll think about it.' Now, let me think or I'm just going to be reminded of how annoying you are when you want something and decide against it."

Rodney squirmed, because clearly not being able to beg John was killing him, but John really did need to think. "Bye Rodney."

Rodney stood up, offering John a shaky smile. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For at least thinking about it."

John had the urge to reach out for him, but restrained himself. They weren't exactly hugging kinds of guys. 

"Hey, you presented a logical argument for why it fulfills both of our goals. I just need to decide if my goals really are what you say they are."

Rodney nodded, walking out the door with a small smile that seemed both hopeful and resigned on his face.


	3. Hypothesis Testing

The machine didn't look much different than an ordinary stasis chamber, which explained why no one had paid any particular attention to it before. John frowned. "So you step into that thing and it gives you a vagina?"

"No, you step into the machine and it gives you a uterus, which, um, connects to the, you know."

"No, Rodney, I don't know. Are we talking ass babies here?"

John had given a tentative yes. Of course he had; when had he ever been able to deny Rodney anything? He hadn't seen Rodney smile like that in a long time. But surely Rodney didn't want to a) have John's dick up his ass and b) push a kid out of there.

Rodney grinned. "There's another chamber just down the hall that we thought was an experiment to make beaming technology more accurate. Turns out, it was a birthing room. So no ass babies."

"But we still have to, you know, put it up there?"

Rodney's smile faltered a little but at least he was looking John in the eye this time. "Anal sex would be the traditional form of conception, yes. But I guess if you're not comfortable with that, then there's always a cup and a turkey baster, though we'd have to consult with the voodoo practitioners first."

"So you're saying that you _are_ comfortable with it?"

Rodney gulped.

"You can't want me to..." John waved his hands, unwilling to say it. 

"Rather that than a turkey baster."

"You don't have to work with a turkey baster. You won't be raising a child with it."

Rodney sighed. "You're right. I don't want to inflict that on you anyhow."

Rodney wouldn't be inflicting much on John. Prim and proper Nancy had been a dynamo in bed - she'd actively enjoyed both anal sex and pegging, so John was familiar with the concept and how good it felt to have his cock in that tight channel. While he'd never been actively attracted to a man other than simple admiration for a perfect physique, he didn't find the idea of sex with a man disgusting. He didn't actively want or fantasize about it, but for the something as important as a child, he trusted he could get through it.

He was more worried about Rodney, who couldn't seem to live without an awkward crush on some unattainable blonde knock-out. Rodney had a habit of getting sold on things in theory that weren't entirely possible in practice. And if Rodney had a heterosexual freak out, it would affect their friendship and that was the last thing John wanted. He couldn't imagine what he'd do if he didn't have Rodney as a friend. Rodney was one of the few things that made being stranded a galaxy away from home with so much responsibility even bearable.

"Hey, I already agreed to have a child with you. I just want to make sure we don't mess it up before we start."

Rodney smiled, but it didn't reach those expressive eyes. "You're right. Turkey baster it is. Now, I just have to step into this bad boy and we'll be all set."

"Don't you want to wait for Carson first?" John asked.

"Carson and I aren't speaking right now. Besides, I already went over this whole thing with Dr. Biro and she says it's perfectly safe."

Again, Rodney seemed strangely cavalier about a machine that was going change his internal organs. It was completely out of character for him and John worried. "How about I radio her just in case?"

Rodney agreed and John made the call.

"Why aren't you talking to Carson?" Other than John, Carson was Rodney's best friend. They'd know each other since they'd both been working at Area 51 a long time ago and while it wasn't unusual for Rodney to get mad at someone, he'd pretty much scream at them and then the fight would be over and they'd be back to business as usual. The silent treatment was a little too passive-aggressive for usually aggressive-aggressive Rodney.

"He started talking to me about convincing you to donate to the sperm bank in addition to this experiment. I mean, I think it's a coup that I convinced you to pass on your genes at all. Then he starts talking about how it's for the good of the expedition, like he's entitled to judge your choices just because he can splice iratus genes into a mouse."

"So you're giving Carson the silent treatment to defend my honor?"

"You are going to be the father of my child. I think I should get to defend your honor."

John nudged him playfully. "Maybe my honor doesn't need defending."

Rodney snorted. "And yet you choose to leave your hair like that."

"Hey, what does my hair have to do with it?"

"I decreases your credibility and-- oh my god! What if our kid inherits your hair?!"

John rolled his eyes. "It's worked for me just fine, Rodney."

"Yeah, so our child can be a Kir..." Rodney trailed off. He'd stopped calling John a Kirk after a poorly thought-out comment wondering if John's little swimmers had already escaped into the galaxy. While the initial accusation still stung (John was very careful), it meant a lot to him that Rodney was trying to be considerate about it. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad for our kid to inherit your looks," Rodney conceded.

Which was exactly when Dr. Biro arrived. She was no-nonsense and proceeded directly to a quick vitals check for Rodney, mentioning that she'd done a full physical in the infirmary in the morning in preparation for today Rodney flinched a little at the coldness of her stethoscope, which Carson always warmed in the palm of his hand before using. Rodney must have been really mad a Carson to go to her when John knew she made him uncomfortable.

"Ready?" Biro asked.

"As I'll ever be," Rodney complained, but his eyes said otherwise. While he looked a little terrified, he also held John's gaze with a look that clearly said, 'I want this.' He was determined and being brave in the face of uncertainty. It looked good on him. 

Rodney lay down on a raised pallet, with John standing close on one side and Dr. Biro on the other, holding a scanner. 

John reached out and squeezed Rodney's hand once for good luck before the device activated and engulfed him in a strange blue light. Whatever the machine did, it clearly drugged its patient a little, judging by the beatific smile on Rodney's face.

When it was all over and Dr. Biro said the initial prognosis was good, John helped Rodney to his feet, still a little shell-shocked that Rodney had gone through with it. He'd actually let the machine give him a uterus. Maybe John should start looking for a pod under Rodney's bed. 

Rodney protested going to the infirmary, claiming he just wanted to rest, but Dr. Biro easily convinced him that in the name of science, they should get a post-procedure scan and do some blood work in order to understand the machine's effects.

After much complaining and an efficient infirmary visit (thanks to Dr. Biro), John finally accompanied Rodney back to his quarters.

"How does it feel?" John asked. 

Rodney shrugged. "It's not as though I feel any heavier. I guess a uterus doesn't weigh very much."

"Hey, does this mean that you'll get a period?" John asked, recalling the women felt heavier when Aunt Flo was in town.

"No. And trust me, that was the first thing I checked. Basically, after the machine is used, the man is fertile for the next three months. If there is no conception during that time, the organ is reabsorbed into the body. If a man wants to have kids after that time, he needs to use the machine again."

"Cool. The best of both worlds."

"Yep." Rodney was sitting on his bed looking down at his hands. All of a sudden he appeared tired, almost exhausted by a soul-deep weariness that couldn't be new. John was surprised he hadn't notice it before.

He hated talking about feelings, but he couldn't not ask, "Rodney, are you okay?"

Rodney looked up, meeting his eyes. "At first it was just fighting for our lives and we were too busy to wonder about Earth. But now, it feels like we're giving up."

John patted Rodney's thigh awkwardly. "I know, buddy."

"I hope they're okay."

"Me too," John said, even though he hadn't seen his brother or father in years and his best friends had died on the battlefield in Afghanistan, the idea that the Earth might not be a galaxy away waiting for them left him deeply unsettled.

"I never even said goodbye to my sister," Rodney replied. "If only she could see me now - the guy who stopped talking to her when she dropped out of the field of physics to get married and be a stay-at-home mom, voluntarily getting a uterus so he can have his best friend's baby."

John smiled a little at the title of best friend, but then, he'd thought of Rodney as his best friend for years. He put an arm around Rodney's shoulders. "Maybe you'll get the chance to show her someday."

Rodney snorted. "So she can tease me and rub it in my face."

John laughed. "Well, you are practically a feminist now, with the girl parts and all."

"Death. Horrible, horrible, death for you. If I didn't plan to have my wicked way with a cup of your sperm, I'd kill you right now."

John laughed, punching Rodney lightly in the arm. "This is weird."

"Yeah," Rodney agreed. "It's weird. But a little awkwardness never hurt anyone."

"True. Now, how about you get some rest? Tomorrow we have a date with a turkey baster."

"You better be saving up, in that case. No jerking off tonight."

"And we're right back to painfully awkward," John joked, but Rodney was right. John hadn't jerked off for the past few days in anticipation of this. 

Rodney had just altered his body for John to pass on his genes (and Rodney's too) and they were going to conceive a child tomorrow, it felt strange to leave with just a pat on Rodney's leg. But John didn't dwell. He had a hard day of whacking off into a cup to look forward to.


	4. Analysis

John paced back and forth. In a few minutes, Carson would be emailing him the results of the test to see if the turkey baster method had worked. And the wait was killing John. He'd sat patiently in the room with while Rodney had undergone the process and had held Rodney's hand every week as the doctors fiddled with a pipette under the sheets and he and Rodney had talked and paced and looked at quarters in the new residential wing and now he sat next to Rodney while they both pretended to watch Alien when waiting for the results of the test.

John had never really considered how nerve-wracking this whole getting pregnant business could be. Then again, he'd never expected to be having kids. He'd given that up when Nancy broke it off with him. In fact, he'd probably given up long before that. Even with Nancy, he'd felt distant from their entire relationship, like one day he'd click his ruby slippers and wish he was home and his wife and the perfect house with the white picket fence and any kids they might have would just disappear and he'd be back to the solitary life. That was probably a sign their marriage was doomed, but John had tried anyway.

Rodney was different. He pulled John into the present with him by sheer force of personality and John appreciated his immediacy. Rodney wasn't transient in John's life. He was part of John's _reality_ , an integral part. A child would only add to that feeling of permanence.

"What?" Rodney asked, clearly perturbed that John seemed to be thinking rather than wringing his hands wildly like Rodney was doing.

"I'm glad I'm doing this with you," John blurted.

"Don't jinx it," Rodney snapped, but he smiled, a mix of smug entitlement and surprised sweetness. That smile got John every time. He grinned back, before returning to the movie, not that he noticed much. He was even late to yell 'chest-buster,' which he'd never missed on any of he and Rodney's repeated viewings of the series.

Ripley was arguing with the robot when Rodney's computer dinged and the two of them knocked heads trying to get to it.

"Sorry," John apologized sheepishly. "Your computer, you get it."

Rodney nodded absently, not bothering to rant about how John had just cost him his valuable brain cells. John had to smile at the intense look of anticipation on Rodney's face. He managed to simultaneously look like a kid at Christmas and like he might have a heart attack at the same time. John scooted up next to him and put an arm over his shoulder, gripping Rodney tight to push aside his own nerves. 

Rodney clicked the window and they both deflated. The treatment didn't take and Carson wanted to see them. At least Rodney was speaking to Carson again and they wouldn't be getting the bad news from Biro. It was hard to feel hope around a women who preferred cadavers to live patients.

"Hey, even with women it doesn't always just happen on the first try," John offered.

"I know. It's stupid but I guess I didn't really imagine this part. I envision using the machine, blithely ignoring the whole pregnant belly thing for a _brief_ time and then, poof, baby."

"It's okay. We'll get there."

"You haven't changed your mind?"

"No." In fact, the deep sense of sorrow and disappointment John felt at the news only reaffirmed his desire to have kids with Rodney. "You want to go check in with Carson now?"

Rodney nodded, but he still seemed listless. John tried to perk him up with a debate about who would win in a fight between Klingons and the Wraith, but by the time they reached the infirmary, Rodney had barely looked at John.

Carson didn't help the situation with his 'I feel your pain' face. John had no idea how Carson made it through med school when he obviously felt every single medical issue so personally. John knew from experience - if you were surrounded by death you had to have a certain amount of detachment just to cope. But then again, Carson had been a medical researcher most of his career, with little patient interaction. By now years of feeling everything had worn the man down. No wonder he grasped onto the new baby craze with such fervor.

"I'm sorry, lads," Carson began. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news."

"It's okay, doc," John assured him. "If at first you don't succeed..."

Carson grimaced. "I'm afraid I have bad news on that front as well. After a more detailed review of the medical database, I was still unable to locate the exact mechanism the facilitates fertilization. However, there were no artificially inseminated males. And all the males mentioned in the database conceived within a month after they started trying. While females only have a small window of opportunity each month after the egg has been released, this process allows the artificially created "egg" to remain in the pseudo-uterus the entire three months the organ persists, so if what we've been doing is effective, we should have already seen fertilization.

"You don't think it worked?" Rodney asked.

"I don't know if it worked, but it's been a month and a half already. Maybe it's time to try a new strategy."

"What do you mean?" John asked, hoping that the new strategy still let him and Rodney be the kid's biological parents.

Carson looked nervous, but he ploughed ahead. "I mean that maybe there's some hormonal or neurological trigger that allows for conception, which is why the repeated attempts to inseminate didn't work."

"What are you saying here, doc?"

"I'm saying that it worked for Dr. Peterson the conventional way. Perhaps the two of you should consider that."

Well they could just forget that then. John refused to meet Rodney's eyes, instead watching Carson deliver another apology and scurry out of the room to let them talk about it.

"Pier?" Rodney asked. The west pier had become their sanctuary over the years. It was a good place to sneak off to drink ruus wine under the stars. John and Rodney had shared a lot of conversations there over the years, from the mundane to John's confession that he didn't really miss Earth. Still, nothing could probably compare to this.

They were silent on the way, but John could tell that Rodney hadn't given up. In fact he was in the workings of a plan. He had that slightly restless spring to his step that he got when he was being brilliant, as though he could solve a problem with kinetic motion alone.

When they finally reached the pier, John sat down, letting his feet dangle over the side. With the sun setting gently over the horizon, the sea looked like a pool of molten gold - if John could just reach it, he could be gilded too.

Rodney didn't huddle close, as he had when they'd anxiously awaited the news. In fact, he sat conspicuously far away from John, though John wasn't going to show that _he'd_ grown lady parts by demanding he sit closer.

He wanted to ask Rodney to just spill his plan already, but instead he said, "I'm sorry." It's what he would've said to his wife if she had wanted children with him and couldn't conceive. He imagined it would hurt, to come to terms with having a living being gestating inside of you and convincing yourself to want it, even, only to realize that it might not be possible.

"Me too," Rodney said, but he didn't seem as sad about it as John imagined. "But Carson's right. We really have no idea how the biological process works in this case. If Peterson can get knocked up then there shouldn't be any reason why I can't."

"You're saying you think we should follow Carson's suggestion?" John had already known this might be what Rodney was thinking. He'd already shown a willingness to do it the conventional way. It was John who had negated the idea.

"I think I'm not ready to give up without eliminating all possible sources of error."

John chuckled that Rodney would think about this in experimental terms rather than their ultimately mundane problem of a couple trying to get pregnant. "You're not concerned about how this might affect our friendship?"

Rodney turned to him, more serious that John had ever seen him outside a life or death situation, "I'm not concerned because I know that there's no amount of bad sex or awkwardness that can overcome our combined stubbornness if we're determined to stay friends and be good parents together."

John nodded. They'd been through a lot of awkwardness with the turkey baster already. And he couldn't imagine anything in the universe getting in the way of his friendship with Rodney. If he couldn't imagine living without the man, then he'd fight to keep him in his life, awkwardness or not. 

"Look," Rodney argued, "I know I'm not the best representation of either sex, but if you think you could have sex with me without being seriously traumatized, I think we should do this."

John honestly considered it. He wasn't disgusted by the idea of sex with a man and he certainly wasn't disgusted by the idea of sex with Rodney. He didn't get turned on by thoughts of Rodney naked, but if Rodney touched him with his clever hands and agile mouth, John could almost certainly get it up. And he'd thoroughly enjoyed fucking Nancy's ass from a purely physical perspective. Knowing that, he couldn't see how sex with a man he truly cared about and trusted could be traumatic. It might not be good sex, but it wouldn't feel out-of-place in their already intimate friendship.

"I think that's a good idea. In the name of babies and everything."

Rodney nodded. "Do you want to?" he gestured back towards the living quarters.

On one hand, John was totally unprepared for this. On the other, what was the point of putting it off? The sooner they had sex, the sooner they could stop this anxious waiting and find out if Rodney had actually gotten pregnant. 

"I can't see why not."

Their walk back to their shared quarters was stilted and silent. John missed the background noise of Rodney's babbling, but Rodney was quiet, using his 'determined march to certain doom' expression. 

"Hey," John interrupted, reaching out to squeeze Rodney's shoulder. "It'll be okay."

Rodney nodded, but went back to staring silently ahead. John was starting to have second thoughts now. He thought they could just get through with this, like any number of bad screws in his past, but apparently Rodney was going to go for broke in terms of awkwardness.

Their large residential suite seemed empty in the moonlight - too big for the two of them, without the child they had requested it for. Without discussion, they went up the stairs to Rodney's room. After entering, they just stood, staring at each other, waiting for the other one to make a move. John pulled off his shirt, and started shucking his pants, figuring that for sex, they should be naked. Rodney copied him, but they were quickly at a standstill once again. 

Rodney didn't have a bad body. He had an extra layer of fat coating everything, but no weird bulges or cellulite. His chest hair was sparse - enough to emphasize his manliness, but not the oddly fur-like carpet that John had to deal with. Rodney's skin was pale, but it looked good the moonlight, and his nipples were pert pink nubs that John found strangely attractive. 

He smiled at his friend tentatively. John didn't have the urge to jump Rodney, but aesthetically, he liked what he saw. Rodney smiled back, but didn't move. With women, it was so easy. There had always been an element of seduction - plying a woman with kisses and caresses until she opened to door for more. But John didn't know his role here. Even though they were here expressly to have sex, did he have to seduce Rodney? Or would they just stand here in their birthday suits staring at each other all night?

Rodney broke first, turning to dig in his nightstand drawer to retrieve a tube of medical lubricant. "I guess I'll prep myself then." Rodney blushed, getting on the bed and not meeting John's eyes as he reached around himself.

"Have you done this before?" John blurted out.

"No," Rodney admitted, falling back against the pillows with a sigh. "I looked it up, when we first found the machine."

"Here," John reached for the tube. "Let me."

" _You've_ done this before?" Rodney seemed shocked, like he expected John to be Mr. Missionary in bed.

"My ex-wife had a little bit of a kink," John admitted. He gave Rodney a reassuring smile, before reaching back and finding the tightest ass he'd ever encountered. Rodney must have been doing some ridiculous sphincter exercises, because John didn't think he could even get a finger in there, let alone his cock.

He sighed, flipping Rodney over onto his back. "You need to relax, buddy. If you don't, we can't do this without hurting you and I won't hurt you."

"I'm willing to let it hurt," Rodney confessed. "I mean, we're getting a child out of it and I don't even have to do the _really_ painful part. Seems only fair."

John shook his head. "I _won't_ hurt you." He'd seen Rodney in pain far too many times in his life, and John refused to be the cause of any more. "It stings a little the first time, regardless of how relaxed you are, but it shouldn't hurt."

"So you're bi?" Rodney asked, looking hopeful. John agreed - this would be much easier if either of them had any experience with gay sex. 

"No, but Nancy had a thing for strap-ons. It actually feels really good," John admitted. "If you just relax, you'll enjoy it."

Unfortunately, telling Rodney to relax was like telling a fish to walk - completely against his nature. He had started to hyperventilate. John had no idea why he'd even tried that tactic. Telling Rodney to relax when using a remote controlled nuclear bomb or performing an alien religious rite didn't work, then why would it work now.

John went for a different tactic, running his fingers gently up the inside of Rodney's thighs, eliciting a surprised sigh. John grinned. He was sensitive there too. Next, he massaged Rodney's neck and collar bones a little, getting another pleased groan. John's own nipples weren't very sensitive, but he judged Rodney's correctly when he flicked one with his thumb, causing Rodney to arch off the bed, panting. John got lost in touches after that, playing with one of Rodney's nipples while the other hand mapped out his whole body with firm caresses. It didn't seem so different all of a sudden - if he didn't take into account that Rodney was a man, his body was the same fascinating instrument as a woman's and John could just as easily lose himself in playing it perfectly to elicit the maximum amount of pleasure.

Rodney rocked up into him, eyes closed and whimpering, begging John for more. John smirked. He was damned good at this. But, looking at Rodney's now-straining cock, he knew he could do better. John was a guy, after all. He knew where the most sensitive body part lay.

John took his time, partially out of his own temerity, partially because he liked the strained moans Rodney made when John's hand drifted up his thigh only to shy away at the last minute. But after Rodney's eyes flashed open, intense slits of blue, begging _John_ , not whatever fantasy woman Rodney had probably been imagining with his eyes closed, John couldn't resist. He could never deny Rodney anything he really wanted, which was, he supposed, how they'd ended up in this situation to begin with. "John," Rodney whimpered.

John smiled a little. He still wasn't more than half-hard himself, but he had to admit that he was enjoying this. After so many times seeing his best friend in pain or danger, it felt wonderful - heart-healing wonderful - to give him pleasure for once. 

"C'mon, John," Rodney complained, lifting his hips, impatiently. 

John complied, keeping one hand on Rodney's nipple while gently stroking his cock with the other. It was different than John's cock - thicker, and a little shorter, curved slightly to the left. Nancy had been fascinated by John's cock. She could stroke it for hours, marveling at how it could be steel-hard and so silky-soft at the same time. John had always rolled his eyes at her, saying that sometimes a penis was just a penis, but he could see what she meant, holding Rodney's cock in his hands. It _was_ fascinating and kind of amazing how a few strokes could make it throb or strengthen to even a new level of hardness. 

John used smooth, fast strokes, the way he himself liked it, while removing his hand from Rodney's nipple and slicking his fingers with lube. Right when Rodney was lost in a haze of pleasure, John snuck the first finger in.

Rodney gasped, pausing momentarily in his squirming thrusting to meet John's eyes. "You're tricky," he moaned, but John didn't relent, jacking Rodney faster as he inserted the next finger. He remembered the first time Nancy had done this to him. She'd had to give him a blowjob in order to get him to relax enough. 

With the third finger, he found Rodney's prostate, eliciting a somewhat sexy screech, and Rodney jackknifing off the bed so hard, John was lucky he kept a grip on him. 

"Holy shit!" Rodney exclaimed. "Do that again."

John complied. It felt like an out of body experience - he was doing this to Rodney. He was making Rodney squirm in delighted pleasure, feeling the electric spark of the prostate for the first time. John felt a little sad that Rodney hadn't gotten to have this before (because John knew from experience that it felt damn good), but he was happy to be the one to give it to him - pleasure a delicate gift, freely given.

Rodney was close, his cock twitching, with John's three fingers spreading him wide and hitting his prostate on every stroke. 

"John," Rodney gasped, sitting up so suddenly that he almost crashed their heads together. "Fuck me now, please."

John gulped, looking down at himself. He still wasn't hard. Fuck. Rodney was looking too, his own erection beginning to deflate. 

"I guess no matter how good a mastery you seem to have of sodomy, there's no way to make a straight man gay?" Rodney said with a forlorn sigh.

Except that wasn't it. John didn't want to believe that he couldn't get it up enough to fuck Rodney's tight ass. He wanted to make a baby and he wanted to hear Rodney begging him, shouting his name in pleasure. But Rodney was right, there was still something in his heterosexual brain that couldn't get with the program.

"Touch me," John begged. He'd been so focused on getting Rodney to relax, that neither of them had thought about John's pleasure.

Rodney quickly complied, but not with the same firm touches John had given him. Instead, he yanked John against him, falling back against the bed with John covering his body. Then Rodney's mouth was on his, as talented and agile as John had expected. John closed his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to imagine this was some woman, not with those big hands cupping his ass, or the silky cock pressed up against his. But he could focus on sensation - the gentle way Rodney's tongue coaxed his, the tender desperation of his touch, the warmth between their bodies as they rubbed frantically against each other.

When Rodney's hand closed over his cock, John was already hard, moaning into the kiss. 

"Now are you ready?" Rodney demanded. It was so Rodney that John couldn't help but laugh, pulling Rodney close to him and nipping at his neck.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

It was Rodney who grabbed the lube and slicked John up, hiking his legs up around John's waist and pulling him in. John wanted to protest that it would be easier with Rodney on his front, like the first time Nancy had fucked him, but John liked being so close, smelling Rodney's strong, familiar musk, touching him all over. 

He entered Rodney slowly, gasping at the tightness of his smooth channel. It'd been a long time since John had this and he couldn't believe how much he'd missed it. "You feel good," he whispered, punctuating his statement with a few small thrusts and adjusting the angle until Rodney let out a low, long moan, hooking his ankles tighter around John to pull himself into the thrusts.

It wasn't long before Rodney was demanding, "Harder! I know you can do better than that!" It brought a smile to John's face, with the small amount of his attention that wasn't complete absorbed by the feeling of Rodney surrounding him, clinging to him.

It felt amazing, but not as amazing as when Rodney clamped down on him hard, his internal muscles fluttering as he cried out, spilling a warm splash of come between them. John fucked him through it, but didn't last much longer, coming deep into Rodney's tight channel with a choked shout. 

It was a long minute before John recovered enough from the best orgasm he'd had in a long time to roll off of Rodney and grab some tissue from the nightstand to clean them both up.

"Thank you," Rodney panted, rolling over to look John in the eye. He looked dazed, contented.

"I should be thanking you," John replied. "You're the one who's going to be doing all the heavy lifting."

"I meant thank you for making it good."

John nodded, not really sure what to do. He'd just had sex with his best friend and enjoyed it. But it had been for purely procreational motives, and based on his reaction, John had pretty much confirmed his heterosexuality. He was an open-minded, sodomy-loving heterosexual, but he still hadn't been able to get turned on without physical stimuli with Rodney the way he would with a woman. 

But, he also wasn't going to complain if he had to do this a few dozen more times in order to get them a baby. 

The awkwardness returned. If Rodney had been female, John would have stayed in bed. He wasn't a cuddler, but he felt a fierce protective urge after sex that made him want to stay close. But his room was just next door in the same suite. He didn't really have an excuse to stay.

John pushed himself up. It felt weird to just leave, but then they weren't really a couple - just two guys trying to make a baby. Fuck it, he decided, leaning down to give Rodney a chaste kiss on the lips. "Goodnight."

"Night," Rodney mumbled, already halfway to sleep.

John smiled, pulling the blankets over Rodney before making his way to the shower. He felt energized, the way he sometimes did after sex. He wondered if Rodney would be sore in the morning, or if he'd like to try it again right away or go for a once a week routine like with the turkey baster. He hoped that everything would be fine between them. John couldn't even hope for it to not be awkward, but awkward he could handle, so long as he kept Rodney in his life.


	5. Repeated Expirimentation

As morning afters went, it didn't even reach the most awkward. That would be when John woke up after fucking Amie Townsend in the barn only to find that one of the stable hands had put her dad's prizewinning stallion in there with them before either of them had woken up. Trying to calm an agitated racehorse with his junk hanging out beat an awkward morning after with his best friend any day.

John stumbled out of bed to find that Rodney had already made coffee and was sitting at the breakfast table in their small kitchenette reading something on his laptop. "Hey," he gave John a genuine, warm smile. 

John returned it, feeling the grin splitting his face ear to ear. 

Rodney looked as though he might want to _talk_ about it, which gave John a brief anxious moment, but all Rodney said was, "Ford and I are going to Planet of the Flies to install the ZPM we charged for them. They'll be some kind of celebration, as always. You want to come?"

John had decided that as his second in command, Aiden needed more command experience now that he was older and wiser, so he'd given him his own team as soon as he recovered from the Wraith enzyme addiction. But all or part of the original team normally went back to trading partners they'd made the first year together.

John shrugged. "It'll be good to see Keras again, but with Elizabeth's due-date only a week away, she might want me to stay here."

"Okay," Rodney shrugged. "Let me know. I'm sure that Keras will send back a bottle of that disgusting Orchid Wine for you anyhow."

"I like that stuff."

"I know. I have no idea why I want to mix my genes with yours."

"You just want a piece of my ATA gene just like everyone else," John said with a flippant grin, so Rodney would know he was joking.

Rodney cuffed him on the back of the head, but it was more a love tap than anything with real intent. "Speaking of which, when do you have time for more baby making?"

John frowned. "At least one of us is offworld tonight, and then it's movie night. How about Thursday?"

"Thursday it is."


	6. Control Group

Thursday was even better than their first time. John found that if Rodney started touching him from the beginning, his cock could almost forget he was having sex with a man. He only had one moment of heterosexual panic before Rodney drew him back into a kiss and John was able to fuck him long and hard, from behind this time.

After that they settled on a pattern of every three days or so. John assumed that Rodney had worked it out based on the fact that sperm could stay active in the body for a while. John didn't mind. He thought any more sex would leave Rodney too sore for John's liking, and it gave his body time to recharge as well, considering the objective. It was the most sex John'd had since he came to this galaxy and he found himself looking forward to 'hump days' as he called them in the privacy of his own head.

That was until almost a month into their new baby making program when the team got trapped in a mudslide on MX9-0492. Ronon had managed to grab Rodney and keep him on the trail, dislocating his shoulder in the process, but John and Teyla had taken a tumble. Teyla had a sprained ankle and a concussion and John had the darkest bruise he'd ever seen covering his left hip. While Carson assured him that nothing was cracked or broken, just strained muscles, John _hurt_.

He was released to his quarters with crutches and orders to come in daily to check that he didn't have any serious complications. Rodney had been quiet the whole journey back to their quarters, nervous and tense with worry the way he always seemed to get when John was injured. Rodney was no better off with the dislocated shoulder, so they moved stiffly, like old men, to get back to their quarters and wash off the remaining mud.

It didn't take more than a small whimper to realize that Rodney would need help getting his shirt over his head, and he was extremely glad to have Rodney right there when he tried to step out of his pants and nearly collapsed from the pain of moving his hip too much. 

"So much for hump day," John murmured under his breath once he was finally free of his pants and boxers thanks to Rodney's help. 

Rodney snorted, but otherwise didn't acknowledge the comment, focused instead on trying to unbuckle his pants one-handed. 

John had unbuckled Rodney's pants pretty much every three days for the past month so he limped over and did it for him. John didn't even think to go back to his own bathroom when Rodney helped him over to the shower and John didn't think twice about soaping Rodney's back and hair for him, giving him a long scalp massage the way Nancy used to always love. 

Rodney sighed at John's ministrations, but it wasn't until he'd finished and had started soaping his own hair that he noticed that Rodney's cock was hard and standing proud. 

"So I guess I've developed a Pavlovian response to you naked," Rodney grumbled tiredly. 

John wasn't hard, even though he'd started to have a little bit of a Pavlovian response himself. The strain of standing, trying not to put any pressure on his injured hip was taking its toll. John needed to take the muscle relaxant that Carson had given him and pass out. But Rodney had other ideas.

He was kneeling in front of John now, ostensibly soaping John's shins and getting the mud out from between his toes (for which John was incredibly grateful), but the hungry way he stared that John's cock said otherwise.

Sure enough, as soon as he'd gotten John clean, Rodney was leaning forward, taking John into his mouth. They'd already experimented with blowjobs as a form of foreplay, once causing John to go off prematurely before they could get on with the procreative process. Rodney gave really good blowjobs, with his mobile mouth and steep learning curve. He had John's hot spots down perfectly and was taking advantage of them now to bring John from soft to straining hardness in what seemed like seconds.

John moaned, tangling his hands in Rodney's hair. It felt so good, the endorphins in his body pushing the pain away to a dull throb. Rodney seemed to be enjoying himself too, groaning as he sucked John's cock in greedily.

But it was too good. John forgot himself for a moment, thrusting into Rodney's mouth and putting weight on his bad hip. He cried out, grabbing at Rodney for support and leaning too hard on his injured shoulder. 

John didn't know how they managed to not fall over and injure themselves further, but Rodney was soon on his feet with John apologizing to him. "Jesus, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Rodney panted through the pain. "Not any worse than before. You?"

John grit his teeth. The throbbing in his hip had gone up a notch. He ordered the Ancient shower to turn off the spray, not sure how he felt about moving. "Can you grab my crutches?"

"And have you slip on the tile and kill yourself?" Rodney scoffed. "I have a better idea." He exited the shower, but John could hear the sound of their palatial jacuzzi tub turning on. A good soak would be sure to loosen his muscles up. 

When Rodney returned, he helped John hobble over to the tub. Getting in was a painful process that brought tears to John's eyes, but once Rodney had him laying across one of the benches that lined the side of a tub the size of a small pool, John felt the tension flow out of him. "Make sure I don't fall asleep here," he murmured.

"Hmmm, same here," Rodney sighed. He was on a smaller bench across from John, massaging his bad shoulder tentatively.

When John had already begun to drift, lulled by the soft echo of the bubbles from the tub and the strange patters the underwater lights cast on the ceiling - like the walls themselves moved with the rippling of the water, he heard a splash. He forced one eye open to find the Rodney had moved over to him. 

"You have no idea how scary it was, watching you and Teyla slide off the trail like that," Rodney confessed. "I thought my heart stopped. You'd think I'd be used to seeing you almost die by now, but I feel the same way every single time."

John could understand. He felt the same every time he saw Rodney in danger. "But I'm still here."

"You're still here," Rodney acknowledged, leaning in to give John a soft kiss. "But if you make me a single father, so help me god, I will bring you back to life just so I can wring your neck."

John chuckled, still sleepy from the comforting heat of the tub. "Sounds nice."

Rodney splashed him for that. John splashed a little back without much force behind it, and next thing he knew Rodney was straddling him on the wide bench, smothering John with a deep, controlling kiss. It felt so good, the pain in John's hip nearly forgotten. He tangled his hands in Rodney's wet hair and pulled him closer, reaching for Rodney's cock as Rodney reached for his.

When John came, gasping into Rodney's chest not long after, he realized that there'd never been a procreative component to today's 'hump day,' but he didn't really care, sinking into the euphoria of a good orgasm as Rodney helped him out of the tub and brought him a glass of water to take his pills. They were both so relaxed and tired that they collapsed onto Rodney's giant bed in the master bedroom and didn't wake until the next afternoon.


	7. Hypothesis Revision

Because their respective injuries would restrict any 'procreative' activities for the next week at least, they decided to get the verdict from Carson early.

"You know that's even more annoying when you have crutches, right?" Rodney asked, pointedly glaring at John's pacing.

John wanted to argue, but he knew sniping at Rodney was only a cover for how nervous he was. What if it didn't take? What if all that sex had been for nothing? What if he and Rodney couldn't have kids? John had started to like their shared suite. It didn't feel too big and unlived-in anymore, and he enjoyed his routine with Rodney - coffee together in the morning after his run with Ford and Ronon, lunch together in the mess, and then dragging Rodney away from the labs for dinner in the evenings. But as right as it felt, they were doing this for the third empty bedroom in the suite that they hoped would soon contain a crib. John had to be careful to remember that. And if Rodney didn't get pregnant, then he'd undoubtedly look elsewhere to fulfill his domestic ideal, leaving John to face the same pressure as before. He couldn't imagine raising a kid with anyone but Rodney, but now that he'd show the intention to do so, there'd be no dissuading Elizabeth and Carson from getting their grubby hands on his ATA gene. It'd have to be the sperm bank, John supposed.

Carson returned with the blood test results and a frown on his face.

"It didn't take," Rodney stated, eyes falling. John didn't think he'd ever seen him so forlorn and disappointed, not even when Althea had dumped him.

"No, I'm afraid it didn't," Carson replied. "Unfortunately, the machine's process is so complicated that I can figure out why. There's nothing wrong with the Major's sperm motility, so perhaps the egg it produced this cycle was infertile. That's always a chance in women. I'd recommend you two wait out the rest of this cycle and then try the machine again in a month or so."

"What's the point?" Rodney demanded. "Obviously there's something wrong with me and it's just not going to work."

He stormed off, leaving John behind with Carson. If he weren't injured, John would have run after him, but with his hip, there was no way he could catch up to Rodney.

"Oh dear," Carson said.

"What is it?"

"I'm just concerned about Rodney. He's always been like this - builds up a vision of the future in his head, usually a fantasy relationship with an unattainable woman, and when reality just doesn't conform with fantasy it breaks him almost every time. This time is worse because he's so close to having what he fantasized about."

"Do you really think it'll work if we try the machine again?" John asked.

"I can't do the probabilities on this one, John. It's a case of trial and error with this machine. However, we've tried most everything. The only two remaining possibilities are that the device made a bad egg this cycle or that Rodney's body isn't compatible with the machine. We only have you and Rodney and Fletcher and Peterson as our trial group so I can't make any conclusions one way or another, but even though his gene is artificial, Peterson has a very strong expression of it. I already theorized that he has almost every secondary marker and was just missing the gene itself - transcription error, I suspect. I'd bet money that one of his parents has it. Maybe the machine relies on some aspect of Ancient physiology other than the ATA gene that Peterson inherited."

"So maybe _I_ could use the machine successfully."

"It's just a hypothesis, and a shaky one at that. But if the second treatment doesn't take for Rodney, I would consider it."

"I'll keep that in mind."

When John returned to their quarters, Rodney was sulking. John hadn't expected anything less. It didn't help that they were surrounded by the evidence of Long Term Social Strategic Planning every day. 

Elizabeth had given birth to a beautiful baby girl named Anna who was present at most staff meetings. Carson had started a sperm bank and a list serve for potential surrogates and sperm donors to communicate. Claudio had the new greenhouses overflowing. John had to take five of his female marines off the mission rotation in the past three months alone due to pregnancy. And Fletcher and Peterson seemed to be everywhere, reminding John and Rodney that the machine worked; it was John and Rodney that had failed. 

John hobbled into their living room, plopping down on the ridiculously comfortable couch they'd purchased on MJK-2910. Rodney pulled up an ottoman for John to prop his leg up on, but didn't speak. 

"We just have to give it another shot," John offered. "Women get a new egg every month and we have to wait for three. That's all."

"What if it doesn't work?" Rodney asked. "It worked in _all_ the trials the Ancient did almost immediately."

"So it might not be 100% with humans. Who cares? I'm committed to this. We just have to keep trying." John paused. Rodney was a straight man, and even though he got off when they had sex, it didn't mean that he truly liked it. "Unless continuing to have sex is too difficult for you."

"No, of course not. I'm not going to turn down more sex. I am a man, remember?"

John chuckled. "Okay, then what's the problem?"

"I'm just disappointed," Rodney spit out, as though John had tortured the answer out of him. "I wanted so badly for it to work and it didn't. That's all. Of course we should try again. It would be dumb to stop now just because the first attempt didn't take. That would be against everything I know about statistical probabilities and against good science. I just wanted it to work."

"Me too, buddy," John replied. "How can I cheer you up?"

"Not with sex, right now," Rodney remarked. "Something that has nothing at all to do with babies."

"Okay," John grinned. He had just the thing. "How about I get out a bottle ruus wine, since we're not worried about fetal alcohol syndrome right now, and I'll stir fry those Kiaje roots you like so much and we can watch some classic Trek?"

"Nothing makes a uterus want to shrivel up and die more than William Shatner," Rodney agreed.

Regardless of whether or not they got to the prize as far as a baby was concerned, John wouldn't trade these past few months with Rodney for anything. It was how he imagined actually liking his roommates in college would've been like - coming home to Rodney's sarcastic humor and their shared passions. They would be good parents, John decided. John wouldn't be distant like his own father had been and so long as Rodney kept the hypochondria away from the children, he would be a wonderful dad - teaching them about the magic of science and building new contraptions to keep them safe.


	8. Methodology

Rodney was offworld with Ford's team when Carson delivered the news. John was finally getting off of crutches for his hip. He didn't understand how some strained muscles and a bone bruise translated to so much more recovery time than for Rodney's shoulder, but since putting any weight on his leg had caused John to cry out up until a few days ago, he'd gone along with Carson's 'light duty' plan.

"So, Rodney's going reabsorb the fake uterus soon. How long before we can try again?" John asked.

Carson hung his head. "Another month, but I don't know that it'll do any good. Further research has shown that the egg cells aren't derived from the man's spermatophores, but from a membrane of persistent stem cells that those with Ancient DNA maintain at the base of the spine. I've theorized that these persistent stem cells are what allows Ancients to gain physical powers before they reach the state of Ascension. When Rodney used the Ascension machine it altered his DNA to include those improvements rather than letting him develop them naturally as an Ancient would. Those with the artificial gene had similar cells, but they are far less robust than those of a natural carrier, more like a stem cell plaque than the membrane that ATA carriers have. There's still a chance that the fertility machine could work with Rodney, but it's not a high one."

John nodded. "I'll let him know."

Rodney would be devastated, John knew. John had barely pulled him out of his depressive funk before and now with even less hope, he honestly didn't know what Rodney would do.

John walked back to their quarters in a daze, changing in his running clothes. He needed to think things out. However, about half a mile into his run, his hip had other ideas, throbbing so mercilessly that John knew he'd pay for it if he pushed himself any further. 

But maybe his subconscious had other intentions than just responding to the pain in his hip, because he'd stopped right outside the room with the fertility machine. John stepped inside, watching the lights and machines activate for him invitingly.

John hated being grounded, but there was still plenty of city exploration to do and the forced downtime would only need to be for the last few months of the pregnancy if he stuck to cake-walk missions, like Teyla when she'd been pregnant with Tagan.

John could keep up running the first months as well. Women, including women in the military, put up with all the annoying symptoms of pregnancy as a condition of life. There was no reason why John couldn't put up with them if it would make Rodney happy.

Rodney had given John so much. Not only had he saved John's life multiple times, but he made life out here bearable. He was the best friend John had ever had - the only one he let see his geekier side, and the only one who he'd ever truly let see him vulnerable. He'd give his life for Rodney, why shouldn't he give him the child that he wanted so badly?

Before he knew it, John was resolved, lying down on the welcoming pallet in front of him and initializing the machine. It tingled pleasantly and John dreamed about a cute little boy with Rodney's eyes, tugging on John's shirt and demanding he explained how things could _fly_.

Later, he wondered what possessed him to do it without medical supervision. And even later, he wondered why he didn't tell Carson or Rodney. It was embarrassing, the military commander submitting to have a uterus implanted in him so he could have the baby of the most annoying man on base, but it wasn't that. If he got knocked up, of course people would find out eventually, but right now, it felt like his own beautiful secret. And he didn't want to get Rodney's hopes up only to see them plummet again.

He resolved not to tell Rodney about he and Carson's little conversation or about the machine until John knew for sure that it had worked.


	9. Alternative Hypothesis

Of course, the second he arrived back at their quarters, John realized that there was one flaw in his plan. If he wanted Rodney to get him pregnant, then Rodney would have to fuck him. Except it had been strictly John fucking Rodney so far.

John decided he'd just have to seduce Rodney - like their first time, only this time John would be the one getting fucked. John grinned. It had been a long time, but John remembered how good it had been with Nancy - that feeling of fullness, coming just from stimulation of his prostate, the way he'd felt so cherished and cared for after Nancy had gentled him through an intense orgasm. John had been almost jealous watching Rodney squirm beneath him, having all the fun.

John smirked. Both the seduction and the result of that seduction would be fun. 

"Now, how to seduce a wild McKay," John mumbled to himself. Rodney wasn't the type to be wined and dined, but he still appreciated food.

John searched around their kitchen, finding the not-chocolate eclairs that Claudio had given him in thanks for ignoring the fermentation barrels he was building out of Pegasus Oak on the East Pier. He also had a good cut of Theirafel steak that he could grill up.

Unfortunately, Rodney came home early and not in the best of moods, tossing his tac vest on the couch and collapsing with a sigh.

"Hey, honey, how was your day?" John asked from the kitchen.

"Abysmal," Rodney groaned. "I know that Ford is supposedly a grown man now, but maturity doesn't cure stupid."

John pulled the meat off the grill. He could finish cooking it later. He plopped down on the couch next to Rodney, a little more carefully in deference to his hip. "What happened?"

"He got stuck in an Ancient pest trap."

Ford wasn't exactly small. It'd have to be a pretty big trap. "What kind of pests?"

"A mix between a bear and a griffin. Anyhow, long story short, Ramirez and I had to climb through about 200 meters of dusty old air vents in order to rescue him. Then Parrish triggers a bio hazard protocol in the Ancient facility because instead of sitting on his ass and not touching anything like he was told, he saw the 'most unique symbiotic adaptation between hemiptera and rosaceae' he'd ever seen and proceeded to get some kind of aphid fungus all over him. I saved the day by reprogramming the facility to release Ford. And the bio hazard solved itself by spraying Parrish head to do with a bright green anti fungal cream. Carson's studying it now. Also, if you want a laugh, you should head down to botany and see how the green stuff stained Parrish's hair."

"Better than running for your life from angry natives with poison spears."

"I'm pretty sure that running from angry natives next to Ronon is much safer than standing still next to Parrish," Rodney countered.

John thought back on their mission reports. "You're probably right."

"And my shoulder is killing me," Rodney complained. "Speaking of which, how did your doctor's visit go?"

John tugged Rodney off the couch so he could give his sore shoulder a massage. "Fine."

"Cryptic, as usual. Ooh, right there," Rodney moaned, leaning back into John's ministrations.

"I lost the crutches and he said I'll be cleared within a week. Also, we should give it another month before we try the machine again."

"Oh," Rodney shoulders tensed under John's fingers, but John just dug in harder to the tight knots surrounding Rodney's recent injury. "I guess this is just a friendly massage then."

Rodney had lobbed it in, nice and easy over the plate. All John had to do was turn him around and give him a solid kiss. "It doesn't have to be."

"You are aware that the absorption of my pseudo-uterus began today," Rodney protested.

"Yep. But I thought, why take a break if we're going to be back to this in a month. No need to get out of our hump day routine."

"Please don't call it that," Rodney groaned. "I'm putting your name after Ford's on the Top Ten People Not Allowed to Name Things List." They'd agreed long ago that Ford's name would forever be at the top of the list after he wanted to name the cancer curing machine Tumor-Be-Gone.

John snorted. "Hump day is better than calling PX7-880 Boobtopia."

"Okay, so you're just below Ford _and_ Dr. Vogel."

"And the Hello Kitty Nebula?"

"Below Ford, Dr. Vogel, and Miko, then. Oh, and Sergeant Miller, because Mean, Green, Molecular Destabilization Machine is also unforgivable."

John smirked, leaning in closer, "But you _like_ hump day, Rodney," he purred.

Rodney gulped, shifting away a fraction. "I do. But, John...."

Rodney McKay was an open book, one that John knew by heart. He smirked, time to go in for the kill. "Don't worry Rodney; I don't want to abuse your tight ass anymore than you do. Since we've got a procreative time out, how about we switch things up for a change."

Rodney's pupils were blown wide with anticipation and lust. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, I haven't been on the bottom since my marriage broke up and I've been looking forward to it."

John barely had time for another breath before Rodney was on him, kissing him and pushing him back against the arm of the couch.

"Woah, Tiger," John laughed, barely breaking the kiss to mumble it out.

Rodney admitted, "I've been fantasizing about fucking you."

John grinned. Seducing Rodney was evidently a lot easier than he'd anticipated. Before he knew it, Rodney had stripped both their pants off and was pushing John back against the rough fabric of their couch. John's hip gave a slight twinge of protest, but he didn't care once Rodney retrieved the olive oil from the kitchen and had him bent over the back of the couch with his dick buried deep inside of John. Nancy had used bigger dildos, but Rodney felt just right, pistoning into him slow and sweet, hitting John's prostate every time. Rodney had obviously put a lot of technical detail into his fantasies.

It didn't take long before Rodney pulled John quickly up to standing, finishing off with the frantic motion of his hand and driving into John with three harsh thrust before coming himself.

John gasped, out of breath and fuzzy-brained with pleasure and relief. He collapsed back onto the couch, playing with his own come sticking to the hair on his belly. There might be a baby in there soon. John imagined that there was already even though he knew that the tingling feeling was just endorphins from the orgasm and heat from having his belly driven into the back of the couch so many times from the force of Rodney's thrusts. 

He leaned over to give Rodney a sloppy, sated kiss then jumped up, energized from their lovemaking once again. "I'm going to take a quick shower, then it's steak and not-chocolate eclairs for dinner."

"Oh, god, I think I love you," Rodney moaned, stretching out. Either Rodney would investigate the eclairs in a moment or he'd be in the shower with John. John smiled. Mission accomplished.


	10. Double Blind

Rodney had never been happier. He'd been skeptical of the whole long-term social strategic blah blah blah at first, but he had to admit that leaving the laws and cultural rules of Earth behind felt like a weight lifted from his shoulders.

There was no more worrying about publishing or winning a Nobel or what all of his petty competitors would say back home. After the defeat of the Wraith - something the Ancients themselves hadn't even managed, he was almost universally acknowledged to be the smartest person in the only galaxy that now mattered.

And though he missed coffee and the Internet and a new influx of Hollywood movies, he didn't miss traffic and taxes and smog and all of the other problems of living on a planet of six billion people. 

Rodney had always been a little bit of a slave to his competitive drive and his need for perfection, but now after the defeat of a great enemy, living in a community of people who had fought hard by his side to defeat that enemy, science was new again - beautiful for the wonder of it alone, not the glory. 

But the best thing about this new, liberated life on Atlantis was unquestionably the fact that Rodney now had John. Rodney had never had a friend like John. In fact, though he now counted many people as his friends, he doubted he'd ever had a real friend before John. But John was more than that. He was the person Rodney wanted to grow old with. He was the person that he wanted to raise a child with and he was the one person in two galaxies who Rodney had ever and would ever truly love.

Rodney grinned. After getting tired of John's 'hump day' joke (which hadn't been funny even the first time he heard it), they'd gone off a regimented schedule. It only made sense - before they'd been trying to conceive a child, but the past three months they'd settled down into the sexual patterns of an ordinary couple. Oddly, this usually ended up with Rodney fucking John, but John _really_ enjoyed getting fucked, so Rodney wasn't going to complain. Especially when it tired John out so much that he often dozed off in Rodney's bed. Rodney would feel guilty about fucking John so often when he was the one trying to get pregnant, but John pointed out that they had sex more often now, so they could afford to skip a few days of Rodney bottoming. 

Rodney sometimes wondered why they didn't sleep together every night, but John had some issues about being touched. On one hand, he demanded ridiculous amounts of foreplay (more than most of Rodney's girlfriends), but on the other, he never initiated any public displays of affection and discouraged Rodney from initiating any either. He also had no idea how to hug, if attempts by Elizabeth and Teyla spoke to a trend. Rodney had never dared ask, but he was fairly certain that John had been seriously tortured during one of his tours of duty back on Earth (judging by all scars that Rodney didn't recognize as Pegasus wounds), not to mention the whole thing with Todd the Wraith. Rodney might be a dick sometimes, but he wasn't enough of an asshole to push John to be more physically affectionate outside the bedroom if he suffered trauma from being tortured.

Rodney wondered if one day John might want to get married, considering that they were already living together and sleeping together and planning to have a child together. But then under the 'new social order' that Elizabeth and Kate and Carson were engineering, he wondered if marriage even meant anything. It seemed to be a touchy subject for John, too, so Rodney was hesitant to bring it up, just as he was hesitant to address his worry that he might not be able to get pregnant at all. Maybe, now that they were a couple, John would be more willing to take on the childbearing role. But Rodney had decided not to dwell on that question until Carson told them there was no chance for Rodney to do it.

Rodney had left the labs early today. This morning, John had skipped his run and his morning sparring session with Teyla due to an upset stomach and Rodney wanted to make sure he was alright. John had assured him that it was probably just something he'd eaten at the Elpian feast the night before, but when it came to taking care of himself, Rodney didn't trust John any farther than he could throw him. 

John wasn't downstairs going over paperwork on the couch or playing with the Ancient flight simulator on their video screen as usual. Rodney frowned, making his way upstairs to John's bedroom, where he found his boyfriend sprawled out and snoring.

Rodney approached as quietly as he could, pressing his hand to John's forehead to check for a fever. John didn't seem any hotter than Rodney, but he did stir from the touch. "Rodney?" John mumbled, turning over onto his back and looking at Rodney through slitted hazel eyes. "What time is it?"

"1700," Rodney replied. John had looked so angelic in sleep. Rodney hated to wake him, especially because John had a tendency to wake up cranky when he was sick. "Radek gave me some of that Manerian Tea that Elizabeth drank when she had morning sickness. Do you want me to brew some for you?"

"Thanks," John murmured. "Stomach feels better though." He yawned. "Just tired."

"Okay." Rodney was relieved that it wasn't anything more serious than an upset stomach. "I can go grab us some dinner," Rodney offered. They normally ate dinner at home, but John was the one with the cooking skills in their household. 

"Not hungry," John replied. "Are you sure you don't want a nap instead?"

Rodney wasn't tired, but he liked the idea of wrapping himself around John and dozing for a little while before dinner. John wasn't normally a cuddler, so Rodney would take what he could get. "I guess I could be convinced."

"Too tired to convince you. Dinner at 1930?"

Rodney was already stripping off his pants, however, slipping under John's covers in his boxers and a t-shirt. John's bed was smaller than Rodney's, which he had made custom by a craftsman that Teyla recommended. It wasn't the children's bed that John had lived with for years (Rodney insisted he abandoned that as a condition of moving in together), but it was only slightly larger than an Earth twin size. They almost never had sex here for fear of falling off the bed, but Rodney didn't mind pressing his body up against John's and wrapping his arms around him. 

"I guess here works," John grumbled sarcastically.

"Well, if you want to move into my room, I wouldn't mind."

"Nah. This is fine."

John was back to snoring in a matter of moments. Rodney had to keep himself from brushing John's hair back from his face or nuzzling John's neck. Rodney had always considered himself straight, but from the moment he'd met John Sheppard, there had been something about him. It was more than just being handsome, which Rodney had always appreciated when appreciation was due. No, John had been _magnetic_. Rodney could see why alien priestesses and female marines and even _Elizabeth_ (upon occasion) got that hungry look in their eyes when they saw John. Rodney had always thought he was jealous of John in those situations, but now he realized that he'd always been jealous of the women who were bold enough to try for what seemed unattainable.

Rodney stayed awake for a while wondering how in the hell he'd gotten this lucky, but woke up to the familiar feeling of John kissing down the back of his neck, jerking him off. "Mmmmm," Rodney groaned approvingly, shifting his hips back into John's erection.

Rodney didn't even open his eyes when John began thrusting against Rodney's back, just relaxed lazily into it. He batted John's hands away when they went to tweak his nipples, wanting to feel sleepy sex like a caress instead of the sharp pleasure having his nipples pinched always brought. John continued to caress him, flipping Rodney onto his back and straddling him as he continued his ministrations.

Rodney took a peak at him through slitted eyes. John looked gorgeous as always - even with the creases from his pillow still etched into his cheek. His hair didn't look any messier than usual, but his eyes were smiling.

Rodney let his eyes slide closed again, focusing on the feeling of John's hands caressing the inside of his thighs and John's mouth kissing down his collar bone. 

John paused for a moment, repositioning himself. Then Rodney was being surrounded by tight, slick heat. 

"Oh my god," he groaned, his eyes flying open to find that John lowering himself slowly onto Rodney, a mischievous grin on his face.

It didn't take long with John using his strong thighs to maneuver himself up and down on Rodney's cock for Rodney to reach out and grasp John's hips, finishing in three quick thrusts deep into John's body.

John's cock was still bobbing impatiently in front of Rodney when he finally came down from his orgasm, so Rodney tackled him, kissing his way down John's body and sucking his cock into his mouth in one quick motion.

Rodney had been hesitant to do this at first. Sodomy for procreative purposes was one thing, but giving a blowjob was irrefutably gay. But then maybe Rodney was irrefutably a little gay himself because he'd grown to love this - the feel of John heavy on his tongue, getting to his knees, submitting and controlling at the same time, the gasps John made, the way his hands carded through Rodney's hair. 

It didn't take long before John came with a strangled gasp, collapsing down onto the bed beside Rodney. 

"I love you," Rodney finally had the courage to say.

John's answer was a snore.

"Typical. I finally declare my love to you and you can't even stay awake for it," Rodney complained, wrapping an arm around John and pulling him close.


	11. Safety Protocols

Rodney was determined to once again declare his love for John the next day, when the opportunity presented itself. Now that the words had come out of his mouth once, Rodney didn't find them so intimidating anymore.

But John had other plans. When Rodney arrived home, John had dinner ready for them. This was unusual because Rodney's work hours were so unpredictable that John usually waited for him to come home before cooking. But even more unusual was the smorgasbord laid out on their little-used dining room table, which was really just sections of the living room floor that floated up and hovered as a tabletop when needed. They normally ate at the small table in the kitchen area or in front of the vid screen. 

Rodney had previously been convinced that John didn't have a romantic bone in his body, so he was taken aback. "I didn't miss our anniversary, did I?" he blurted out.

John laughed. "If we had one, I didn't remember it either. This is more of a special occasion dinner."

"What's the occasion?"

"Let's eat first and I'll tell you over dessert."

John looked incredibly happy, maybe happier than Rodney had ever seen him. He'd certainly seen great expressions of childlike joy on John's face, when he wasn't thinking about anything beyond the moment. And he'd seen him pleased as a commander - when Rodney discovered a space laser, for example. And when they had defeated the Wraith, John had been more dumbfounded than exuberant, waking up from a daze of disbelief only when Ronon had lifted him up in a giant bear hug. 

But this happiness suffused John's person. It was in every giddy, stupid smile that he coyly gave Rodney from across the table. John was usually deliberately aloof, like he knew the key to coolness was just to be spectacularly nonplussed about everything. Rodney would have liked to think that John was showing him this because he'd stopped worrying about hiding behind his shield of nonchalance with Rodney, but he suspected that John had just found something he was excited enough about that he couldn't contain himself.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me now?" Rodney blurted out in the middle of an utterly banal discussion of the weather.

"No," John replied with a grin. "You're going to have to learn patience, Rodney. Trust me, when you're a dad, you'll need a lot of patience."

"How about now?"

"No. Jesus, Rodney. Just eat your Yiai fruit and reflect on how great life is."

"Okay, seriously, did Parrish get you to ingest some happy-making plants down in the Botany Lab? Because I'm positive you are not this kumbayah."

Rodney's very justified inquiry was met with another impish smirk. "So, I hear that you and Claudio have been working together to streamline power to the hydroponic laboratories."

"Well, I like fresh tomatoes as much as the next man, even if I do have to work with a farmer."

"Agricultural scientist."

"Whatever. Are you going to tell me now?"

John threw down his napkin, but didn't look too frustrated. "You are a pain in the ass, McKay."

"Your pain in the ass."

"Right now, yes."

"Here, I'm almost done with my food." Rodney shoveled the rest of his plate into his mouth in less than a minute. "Now I'm done."

"I'm not."

"Then hurry up."

John sighed, but finished quickly while Rodney made rushing gestures at him. 

"So what is it?" Rodney bounced up and down in his chair. If it were work-related, John would have radioed him right away. But Rodney couldn't imagine what John would be so excited about surprising Rodney with when he'd already given him everything he could possibly want.

"So, I may have been keeping a secret from you."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "What else is new? So what is it?"

John's grin morphed from a smile to a wince and he was suddenly hunched over, grabbing the table with a white knuckled grip and causing the Uiga salad to spill onto the floor. Rodney didn't wait a heartbeat until he shot out of his seat, already hitting his headset and calling for Carson.

"What is it, John?" Rodney panicked, making it around the table to John just in time to lower him to the floor, where he curled up into a fetal position, holding his stomach and moaning. 

"It hurts," John gasped.

"What hurts? What's happening? John!"

John reached out from Rodney, gripping his hand with the arm that wasn't pressed to his belly. "I'm sorry," John whispered before passing out.


	12. Sources of Error

Carson came through the door with his scrubs covered in blood. John's blood. Rodney gasped. His hands were shaking. He'd been through this tense waiting outside the infirmary hoping that John had survived so many times that he should be used to it by now. Except he'd never felt like this before. His world was dazed and fuzzy, like everything was underwater. He could hear his heart hammering in his chest, like he was running for his life even though he hadn't moved from his chair for at least an hour now. 

Maybe it was different because John was his boyfriend now, his future. But a part of Rodney had always loved John. No, it was the suddenness of it - no alien grenades or suicide missions. John was fine - happy and smiling then all of a sudden he wasn't and nobody had told Rodney why.

Elizabeth was the first one to find her voice. "Carson?"

But Carson's sad eyes fixed on Rodney. Damn his open expression with every emotion etched deep on his features. "I'm sorry, Rodney."

Rodney didn't remember sliding from his chair to the floor, or the tears that suddenly welled up. John had been fine. They'd been sitting around, talking like it was any other day. He couldn't survive the Wraith and the Genii and life as an intergalactic space explorer only to keel over in the middle of an ordinary day, like Dr. Wagner with the exploding tumors a year ago.

"Hey," Carson held onto Rodney's shoulders, simultaneously propping him up and forcing him to focus. "We lost the baby, but John is going to be fine. He's going to need you to be there for him."

It took Rodney another minute of sobbing to process Carson's words. John was alive. He would recover. But a baby? "What baby?" Rodney asked.

"He didn't tell you?" Carson asked, looking dumbfounded. "I thought you were there monitoring him when he used the machine."

Rodney felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. John had used the machine himself? But he'd hated the idea of being pregnant. He'd only agreed if Rodney was going to be doing it. But then, it wasn't something the Rodney would have considered initially, except for the overwhelming desire to have children with _John_ , the only person he could really see himself wanting them with. He'd compromised, out of love, he now realized. Maybe John had done the same. Still, why hide it from Rodney?

Rodney's questions went unanswered, however, as Carson caught his focus. "Well, that bloody idiot. But, never mind that for now. The important thing is that we stopped the bleeding. John will be okay."

Rodney's world snapped back into sharp focus, _bleeding_. "What happened?"

"Massive hemorrhaging from a bleed in the pseudo-uterus. The embryo was never viable. I'll know more when I dissect the mass, but it presented like a molar pregnancy, except the tissue has some unusual properties that I'll need to investigate. Rapid growth of the mass caused the pseudo-uterus to rupture, causing massive internal bleeding. I was able to use the Ancient laparoscope to seal it in time. We replaced the lost blood volume, but his body has undergone significant trauma, so he'll be under my care for the next few days."

"Can I see him?" Rodney asked.

"Aye. I'll have one of the nurses escort you in while I get cleaned up."

Rodney didn't pay much attention to Nurse Murphy, only stumbled after her like a zombie through the deceptive quiet of the infirmary.

"He's still under sedation," Murphy whispered. "You can stay here for ten minutes. Then Dr. Beckett will be back to collect you." 

She pulled back the curtain to reveal John, looking pale, almost ethereal in the low light of the recovery ward. There was no bandaging, no wounds that Rodney could see. John might as well be sleeping beauty - so still and peaceful, lying flat on his back like a corpse in its coffin instead of his usual haphazard sprawl. 

Nurse Murphy sauntered off, but not before shooting Rodney a concerned look first.

"What were you thinking?" Rodney asked the stillness. "Never mind. I'm sure you weren't thinking, as usual."

Rodney had to remind himself that John-logic worked differently from the logic used by the rest of the world. If John had a problem, he was more likely to keep it secret than ask for help. If he could make life better for others at great cost to himself, he'd do it. If he cared about someone or something, he would act to protect it at whatever cost. Which sometimes lead to the deadly combination of protecting something at great cost to himself without telling anyone he was doing it. In this case, John cared about Rodney, who wanted nothing more than to have a child with John. So at great cost to himself, John decided to carry the child. But Rodney would have been happy that John wanted to do that for him. Why the cloak and dagger act?

"How did you get to be so screwed up?" Rodney asked John's sleeping form.

He heard a chuckle from behind him. Carson was standing there, having changed out of scrubs and into his uniform. "That's one of the great mysteries of the universe."

"You knew about this and didn't tell me?" Rodney accused. If the embryo or mole or whatever had been big enough to almost kill John, then it wasn't a new thing.

"I just found out about it this morning!" Carson protested. "He used the bloody machine without medical supervision. I should have known he was lying when he said you were there. If you'd known, you would have asked about it or at least said _something_. But he passed it off as an act of grief when you found out that you couldn't conceive."

"Wait. What?"

"Oh bloody hell. He didn't tell you about that either?! I will wring the bastard's neck the second he's no longer my patient."

"So you told him that I couldn't conceive? Way to go on the medical ethics, Carson."

"It wasn't like that! Back when he hurt his hip, I mentioned to him that the chances of the machine working for you were slim because of a difference between human and Ancient physiology, but our treatment plan was the same - try again to see if it would work. John said he'd break the news to you. I _wanted_ him to use the machine. I figured he'd think about it and talk to you and I shouldn't intrude. I though it'd be for the best. I'm sorry, Rodney. I really am."

"Yes, well, this is the last time you should count on John doing what's best for him."

"Aye, I should've already figured that one out. After all, he has been my patient for years."

Rodney nodded, focusing again on John. He looked young in his sleep, like their child might have looked. "So this is it? There's no way for us to have a child together?"

"If you use the machine again, there is a slim possibility that it will work, but it's not very likely. Now, however, we know that John is 'fertile' so there's hope yet. In ordinary obstetrics, a molar pregnancy is a rare complication and usually does not preclude the woman from bearing children in the future."

"But there's a chance that if John gets pregnant again, the same thing will happen."

"Yes, there's a chance that this wasn't an ordinary complication, but a defect specific to the way the machine operates on John's body."

"No."

"What do you mean 'no?' You can't just say 'no' to medical science. We use the same experimental methodology as you people."

"So do sociologists. But what I meant is 'no' John will not be using the machine again if this is going to happen again."

"Despite the advances of medicine, pregnancy is still a health risk to the mother, Rodney. It's a dramatic change to the body and we're making it even more dramatic and dangerous by using this machine. Complications are a risk that parents take because the reward is so great. I'll dissect the mass and get back to you of whether a future pregnancy carries any greater risk due to the machine."

"I can't lose him, Carson," Rodney whispered. "I can't." Living without John would be like living without a limb. No, it wouldn't be like living at all.

Carson pulled Rodney into a hug. "I know lad. And you won't. I promise we won't let the daft bastard take any more unnecessary risks."


	13. Results

John spent most of the first three days in the infirmary sleeping. Carson said it wasn't uncommon after so much blood loss. And when John was awake, he was unnaturally quiet. Rodney worried, but he couldn't confront John in front of the entire infirmary staff, not in a city this small. 

So Rodney was relieved when they finally released John back to their quarters. Rodney had Ronon wheel him into the master bedroom, despite John's protests that he didn't want to bother Rodney. And now, John was curled up on his side facing away from Rodney, already half asleep, exhausted from the short trip to their quarters. 

Rodney sat down next to him, stroking his hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead. He'd planned to confront John on his moronic behavior the second they were alone, but John was still weak and tired. "Can I get you anything?" Rodney asked. "Soup? Painkillers? Another blanket?"

"Why aren't you yelling at me?"

Rodney snorted. "So much for chivalry. I figured I wouldn't get the same joy out of berating you if you're dead on your feet and probably won't remember it in the morning."

"I think I'll remember almost bleeding out in the morning," John replied morosely.

Okay, so maybe Rodney wasn't as valiantly chivalrous as he imagined, because next thing he knew he was snapping. "You think that's what I wanted?!"

"No. I think you wanted a baby. I did too."

"John," Rodney protested, walking around the bed so that he could meet John's eyes without having to move him. He grabbed John's hand in his, relishing the warm beat of his heart, steady against Rodney's palm. "Why didn't you tell me?"

John shrugged. "I didn't want to get your hopes up, I guess. I thought it would all work out."

"Without seeing a doctor? Even women see doctors all the time when they're pregnant."

"It wouldn't have made a difference anyway," John replied. "The thing was never viable. I'm sorry, Rodney."

"Me too," Rodney replied honestly. He would have loved for John to carry their child. But it didn't matter. They still had each other. He leaned down to kiss John, pressing him back into the bed until John gave a grunt of pain. "Still tender?"

"Yeah. Carson says that a lot of the pain is the pseudo-uterus deteriorating while the wound from the hemorrhage is still fresh. We'll have to wait at least three months until we can try again."

"If we're going to try again," Rodney corrected.

"What do you mean 'if?' Rodney, I still want this. I thought I didn't have a chance of having kids after Nancy and I ended it, but now that you've gotten me used to the idea, I know I do want them - with you."

"I still want it too, John. But if it's not safe for you, then we're not doing it."

"Rodney, I'm willing to--"

"John," Rodney's grip tightened and he turned fierce. "I don't want a child if it means I have to face losing you again. Do you have any idea how scared I was? You just collapsed! I can't do that again."

"I understand."

"And no more keeping secrets," Rodney scolded.

"Then I have to tell you that I was tricking you into letting me bottom all the time," John replied. His grin said he was joking, but his eyes were serious.

"You don't like it?"

John shrugged. "Oh, I like it. You felt the evidence yourself. I feel bad for tricking you, though."

Rodney shrugged. "Minor lie in comparison to not telling me you used the machine. And I'm happy so long as I get to do it again."

"It's going to be awhile," John replied, yawning.

Looking at John curled up in bed using that sexy smile through slitted eyes, it was hard to reconcile that it would probably be a while before John was up for any sex. But, Rodney still had a warm and enticing John Sheppard in his bed and he wasn't going to let it go to waste. He pulled back the covers and slid in beside John.

"When I said awhile, I didn't mean tonight," John joked.

"Thought I'd keep you warm," Rodney replied, hugging John close and kissing him.

"I _am_ a little cold," John admitted. "Thanks," he added a minute later when Rodney was sure he'd already fallen back asleep.

"For what?" Rodney yawned. He supposed all the worrying of the past few days had made him tired too.

"For not tearing me a new one."

Rodney considered making a joke about how he'd never let John forget it or not wanting to insult the future mother of his baby, but instead he wrapped a possessive arm around John's waist and murmured, "I'm just happy you're still here."

John gave a sleepy, contented moan, turning over, but pulling Rodney with him so that Rodney was wrapped around his back. "Me too."


	14. Null Hypothesis

Rodney accompanied John for his checkup with Carson the next day. John wasn't happy about it, but frankly, with regard to medical issues, he'd pretty much destroyed Rodney's trust. He'd trust John with his own life any day of the week, but John had always been too prone to keeping secrets and this whole situation just proved how dangerous that habit could be.

Carson looked grim when they arrived, but neither John nor Rodney had the courage to ask him about it, allowing him to check the small wound on John's stomach from the laparoscope and run the routine tests without the usual banter.

When Carson had finally put the last piece of tape on John's incision, he sighed the weary sigh of a man bracing himself to deliver bad news. "I dissected the mass. It wasn't a molar pregnancy, which is essentially a placenta with no embryo. This was an embryo with severe genetic defects."

"So we can try again?" John asked, hopefully. Rodney wasn't so optimistic, not with the way Carson was having trouble meeting their eyes.

Carson cleared his throat nervously. "The mass didn't have the characteristic grape-like appearance of a molar pregnancy, so I initially thought it might be a tumor. However, I found irregularities in the mass - chitinous elements mixed in with human tissue. A human embryo with those kinds of irregularities couldn't survive to three months."

"Meaning?" Rodney asked impatiently. He hated how medical doctors always liked to play hide the ball with the bottom line of their diagnosis.

"I did at DNA analysis of the mass. I found Iratus DNA."

"What?!" John exclaimed. "I thought the machine was purely Ancient."

"Unfortunately, you aren't," Carson replied.

"The retrovirus," Rodney supplied.

"Exactly. The retrovirus only affected somatic cells, leaving the gametes intact, but it did affect the stem cells that the machine uses to create an egg. There were trace amounts of Wraith DNA in your system after we administered the cure. I need a biopsy of the Muladhara stem cells to confirm the extent of the damage. If there are a mix of Wraith and Ancient stems cells available, we may be able to program the machine to produce a viable egg. However, if all the cells themselves are composed of a hybrid Wraith/Ancient DNA, then there is no possibility of a successful pregnancy. The good news is that we've tested your sperm multiple times and it is unaffected."

"So my swimmers are fine, but Rodney can't get pregnant and I can only have mutant Wraith tumor-babies," John snapped. "That's not good news, Doc. Let's just do the biopsy and get this over with."

The biopsy was nothing short of terrifying - watching Carson shove a giant needle into John's spine was something Rodney could do with never having seen in his life.

No sooner had Carson looked through the scope in the Ancient blood analysis machine than he turned to them with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, John," he offered.

John only whispered, "Thanks Carson," before pushing himself up on shaky feet and walking out of the room. Rodney gave Carson a nod before rushing after him.

The second they reached their quarters, John collapsed onto the couch. His eyes shone with unshed tears and he flinched when Rodney tried to put an arm around him to comfort him. Rodney himself wasn't even trying to hide his emotions. Only the oppressive tension of the silence kept him from breaking out into tears.

After at least five minutes of sitting there in stilted silence, John took a deep breath, gathering the tears in deeper before he turned to Rodney, his voice strained. "I'm still a little shaky," John admitted. "So if it's okay with you, I'll stay in my room a few days and then I'll be out of your hair."

"What!?" Rodney exclaimed. John must have had some kind of brain trauma in addition to blood loss to be asking questions like that. He could see that John might want a little space - he was obviously still hurting both physically and emotionally, but Rodney needed him - why in the hell would he move out?

"Look, it's pretty obvious that we're not going to be able to conceive a child together. Carson made that abundantly clear. So, I'll move out and you can save the space for when you find someone who will have your children to be with."

Rodney gaped. How could John be this dense? "I don't want to have a child with whomever. I want you."

"I wanted that too, Rodney. But it's not possible. So it's time to go to plan B. I'll put in a good word for you. And now that we have the machine, you can widen your net to men with a good expression of secondary ATA characteristics. Plus, the embassies will be opening soon - plenty of new blood."

Okay, so John had risen to new heights of martyr-inspired stupidity. "John, I moved in with you. I'm in a relationship with you, a relationship that I am exceptionally happy with, by the way. I'm not going to throw that away so I can find myself a live-in surrogate."

John looked as though he had been slapped in the face: shocked, but suddenly shy. "I can see how you might have gotten that impression, Rodney. I told you before that was tricking you into letting me bottom, but I guess you didn't understand. I was doing it to get pregnant."

"I know that, you idiot. I'm a genius. But you enjoyed yourself. You enjoy being with me."

The look in John's eyes sent a chill down Rodney's spine. It was an expression John had never directed at him before: pity. "Of course I enjoy being with you, Rodney. You're my best friend. But I'm straight and so are you. We started having sex just to have kids, remember? We moved in together so we could raise our kid."

Rodney replayed what he thought of as a relationship back over in his head. John was right, they did move in together before they had a baby because they wanted dibs on prime real estate big enough for a family, which was going fast once Elizabeth opened up the residential wings. John had been against having sex with Rodney at first - passing it off as being too awkward, when maybe he just plain didn't want to. Then, they'd been forced to do it the conventional way. John had trouble getting hard the first time and still needed a significant amount of touching in order to get hard now. John clearly liked getting fucked by women as well as men, but what Rodney had thought was purely homosexual lust had been part of John's great secret pregnancy plan. He thought about all those tender moments - platonic kisses, nights spent just sleeping next to each other, cuddling on the couch while watching Dr. Who. But those moments were countered by John's dislike of PDAs, his reluctance to move into the master bedroom, the fact that he seemed to hate most sex that didn't involved fucking. 

Rodney was supposed to be a genius. But what was the point of being a genius if you couldn't figure out that the love of your life was a sham? What was the point if you only ended up feeling pain like every other miserable human being in the universe?

"So this whole thing was really about _you_ being my live-in surrogate/sperm-donor?" Rodney bellowed, suddenly angry beyond all belief that John had made him fall in love with him when all John was doing was putting up with Rodney until they could make a baby.

"No," John protested. "I like living with you. I liked the idea of raising a child with you."

"Then let's do it! We don't have to be the biological parents. We can get a surrogate."

"I already told you, McKay. I'm not inflicting that on some woman when she doesn't get to raise the kid. It feels wrong."

"Then stay here with me. We don't have to have kids. John, I'd rather be with you."

"No, Rodney. You'll find someone else eventually - someone who can give you everything."

Rodney noticed that John didn't mention his future plans of finding someone. Good, because Rodney would have been extremely jealous if that were the case. "Then stay with me until the time comes. I like living with you too. We're good together."

"Even if we don't have sex?" John asked.

That hurt like a stab to the gut. Not only was Rodney losing out on the best sex of his life, but it hadn't been just sex for him. As cheesy as it sounded, Rodney had seen it as making love. He loved John and sex or no sex, that wouldn't change. "Well, I'd rather we did. But we can be good roommates."

"Rodney, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Look, you're in no condition to move right now anyway. Just give it a few days thought."

"I'll do that."

Rodney wanted to kiss him goodbye, but they didn't do that anymore. They were different now.


	15. Scoping

"Rodney, what's wrong?" Carson asked the second Rodney walked in the door. Rodney knew he had dark circles under his eyes and that he looked pale and listless, but not to the degree that should cause Carson to snap into mother-hen mode so swiftly.

"John broke up with me. Or explained we were never together. He just wanted to make a baby, not be in a relationship apparently."

Carson put an arm around Rodney's shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"He says he's straight! He's come screaming from me fucking him almost every day for the past three months. How is he straight?"

"First of all, that's far more than I needed to know about the extent of your relationship. Secondly, human sexuality is a complicated thing, Rodney. The prostate is an erogenous zone, gay or straight. Though it's more than I'd like to know about the Major, it's not uncommon for straight men to thoroughly enjoy the sensation of anal sex. If John isn't attracted to men, he just isn't."

"Or maybe he's just in homophobic denial."

"It could very well be, but only John can overcome that denial if that's the case. You can't wave a magic wand and make him realize that he's gay."

"But I thought - damnit, Carson, I love him. I thought he loved me back."

"I'm sure he does, Rodney. But love is as diverse as our sexuality. Everyone can see that John loves you at least platonically. It's for him to say if it's something more."

"I want to be with him, Carson."

"I know you do."

"But he won't be with me unless we can have kids together. So we have to find a way."

"Rodney, I already told you. Neither of you can produce viable eggs using the machine."

"Wait, but there's nothing wrong with the pseudo-uterus?"

Carson shook his head.

"That's it!" Rodney is so brilliant he could kiss himself. "John doesn't want to force a woman to carry a child for us, but if I carried a child with an egg donation it could work, right?"

"I don't see why not."

"I could even do it this cycle."

"Aye, you have a month left. I could put out a call for egg donors on the list serve."

"Great."


	16. Areas for Future Research

"What the hell is this?" John bellowed, pointing to Carson's request for egg donors.

"I figured that if we can't mix our DNA, I can still get pregnant. All I need is an egg."

"You're not going to wait for someone to raise the kid with you. You want it that badly?"

Rodney had thought he was doing this for both himself and John, but clearly John wasn't on board with that idea yet. Considering that John didn't think of them as a unit, that made sense. "I want to be with you. But if I can't have that, then I guess I want to pass on my genes when I still can. Even if I have to be a single father."

John looked uncertain. "But you're busy. Won't the kid feel neglected?"

"Not if my roommate helps out a little bit," Rodney said. "Look, we all help take care of Torren and Tagan. I'm sure that people will help me with this kid. Won't you?"

"Of course I'll help! It's just that it's a day after you found out there's no chance for us to have kids and less than a week after I miscarried. I think you're making a rash decision."

"Says the man who has taken on an armada of hive ships with plan 'make it up as I go along.'"

"Hey, it worked for me."

"And it'll work for me too."

After a moment of awkward silence, John asked, "So, whose eggs are you going to steal?" 

"Based on the initial response, Simpson's. I'm going to have a beautiful blond genius baby."

John snorted. "Okay. I hope that works out for you." But there was hurt in his eyes. And Rodney had to remind himself that even though John was the source of Rodney's pain the past few days, John had just lost a child too. Rodney should try to be at least a little sensitive.

"I would've rather had yours," he added. 

"Yeah, well, if wishes were horses, we'd all be knee deep in crap."

Crap indeed, Rodney thought. He wanted to kiss away the frown on John's face, but he didn't dare. 

"Carson found that we can use the machine designed for giving birth to harvest an egg. We're doing the procedure tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" John practically squeaked. 

"I'm not getting any younger," Rodney replied.


	17. Practical Applications

Rodney collapsed down on the couch with a sigh, one hand cradling the bulge of his belly. He couldn't believe that women had been putting up with this crap for thousands of years. His back hurt. His ankles were swollen and he had the most bizarre craving for strawberries and blue cheese. 

The baby stuck its pointy little fist in Rodney's kidney just to punctuate the point. "You are a little monster," Rodney said to the bulge, propping his feet up on the couch with a groan. "I hate you. When you come out, you're getting nothing but mashed Brussels sprouts."

Rodney heard a familiar chuckle from behind him. "You're going to make such a great father."

"I am," Rodney replied indignantly. "Once I get this thing out of me, I'm sure the threats will stop."

"Sure they will," John replied. "Why are you threatening the baby anyway?"

"Back hurts, and ankles. Not to mention cravings."

"What's highest priority?" John asked. He had been a godsend - fetching food at odd hours of the night, helping with the heavy lifting, holding a throw up bucket when needed, even though he refused to role of second parent every time Rodney offered it to him. He seemed in no hurry to leave Rodney on his own, at least. 

It was a close competition between the pain in Rodney's lower back and his ankles, but the back won.

John didn't hesitate to move in and start massaging. He climbed behind Rodney so Rodney was between his legs and began to dig strong, talented fingers into the tight knots of Rodney's lower back.

Rodney sighed, only to flinch a second later when the baby gave his bladder a hard kick.

"What?" John asked.

"Kicking," Rodney complained, grabbing one of John's hands and moving it to his belly. 

"Cool." Rodney could hear the smile in John's voice. He leaned back against John's firm chest, absorbing his fresh, piney scent and imagining that John was holding him like this because he wanted to, as the co-parent of the stupid pain-in-the-ass baby instead of just helping Rodney out.

Rodney gasped as John's fingers brushed lightly against his sensitive belly. He could almost kid himself into believing it was a caress, but then John was back to his heavenly massage, eliciting a moan from Rodney.

"Oh, god," Rodney groaned. "That feels so good." He leaned by into John's perfect hands and let him dig them into the hard knot at the base of his neck. How did the man get so talented at massage anyhow?

"Yeah?" John asked, grinning. "Just being a good roommate."

Rodney rolled his eyes, awkwardly turning so he could look grab onto John's hands. John squirmed, trying to pull his hands out of Rodney's but Rodney and the baby had a weight advantage. "You know you're more than that."

John stopped struggling, finally looking at Rodney from between slitted eyes. "Yeah."

Rodney pressed forward, aware that he was squishing the baby into John's chest. "Then why do you keep resisting?"

"I'm straight."

"I know, I know. You're a straight man who likes a dick up his ass. You're splitting hairs and you know it. I doesn't make a difference to me and for months it didn't seem to make a difference to you."

"But I'm not..."

Rodney sighed, suddenly so tired, like he was under the ocean, weighted down by a great pressure. Fighting for John was exhausting him, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop when John was everything. "So what? John, who cares? We're in another galaxy. Lorne's team has gotten a group marriage. You've had sex with a glowy squid, which is far stranger than sex with a man. Nobody is going to judge you. Would it make you happy if I sent an email out to the list serve: John Sheppard is living with another man and helping him raise a child and had sex with that man and loved it, but he wants to clarify to everyone that he's straight!"

John looked honestly pained. Rodney had never seen him so open, unguarded. Instead of sympathy, Rodney just felt angrier. "You just love torturing yourself, don't you? We were happy before, remember? Was that happiness too much for you?"

"No!" John shouted. "You're right, Rodney. I was happy. But I'm not a fag!"

Rodney gulped. "I can't believe you just said that." He struggled to push himself up, and John, that bastard, actually moved to help him. They were both panting, exhausted from their anger by the time Rodney was standing. "John, maybe you should consider, um, talking to Heightmeyer about this."

"No!" John sighed, gathering his calm in the frightening way he did right before he started shooting. "I didn't mean it, Rodney. I'm not homophobic. My best friend in college was gay."

"And I'm sure you made that _wonderful_ for him. Jesus, John, what is it? It's good enough for your best friend in college, it's good enough for me, but you're above it?"

"No, of course not, Rodney. I don't care if you want to be that way. It's just not for me."

Rodney sighed. "It's not a matter of wanting to be one way or another, John. I've been attracted to women all my life, but now I just happen to be in love with a man. That's you, in case you were wondering," Rodney snapped. "And I want to be physically intimate with the man I love, so sue me! And don't tell me that it's not good, that you don't like it, because we both know that would be a lie. I don't care if everyone thinks I'm gay. I don't care that I wasted forty years of my life on pussy. I just want to be with you and I think you want to be with me. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that."

The pained expression didn't leave John's face. In fact it only deepened until John's eyes were shining with the possibility of tears. He stood there so stiff, like he might shatter. Rodney didn't know how he knew that this was what John wanted, but he rushed forward, pulling John into his arms. "I'm right here, John. I'm right here and you can have whatever you want, just take it."

Rodney didn't know how long he waited until John tentatively returned his embrace. He had to wait even longer before John finally relaxed, letting Rodney guide him back to the couch, where he leaned against Rodney's side, his face buried in Rodney's neck. They both ignored the baby's insistent kicking.

"He kissed me," John whispered. "I spent three years telling myself that I wasn't homophobic, no matter what my father said about faggots. It was okay for James, but I just didn't feel that way. We spent all our time together. I didn't have any girlfriends and he didn't have any boyfriends. I had sex when I knew he wouldn't find out about it. I took him to the family's cabin in Aspen. We shared a bed sometimes, even. But then he kissed me and I didn't see him ever again. I don't even know if he had any other friends."

That was the most John had ever shared about _anything_ ever. 

"So you're avoiding a relationship with me out of guilt? That's so typical."

John gave a small humorless laugh. "I didn't want that life for myself - always hiding, clubbing and drugs and fucking around, AIDS. I wanted a wife and a family and I wanted to fly."

Rodney cuffed John on the back of the head. "Other than being an awful stereotype. That was Earth. You can have a family here and fly and have a husband, if you want. There's nothing stopping you."

John nodded into Rodney's neck. Rodney wasn't going to call him on it, but he suspected that the moisture he felt there was tears. 

"I'm sorry," John gasped. "I've been an asshole."

"You can say that again."

John finally pushed himself up again, his eyes shining. "I've been an asshole."

"And you'd better make up for it."

"I'll do diaper duty, whatever you want."

"Oh, you were already on diaper duty, considering that I'm doing all the hard work. What I want is this," Rodney replied, leaning forward to kiss John. Rodney had no idea how much he'd missed this. He grabbed onto John tight, pulling him in until there wasn't a centimeter between them. How had he lived without this? It was as though a deep hole inside him had suddenly gone from empty to over brimming with this feeling - happiness, peace, deep, abiding contentment. 

John pulled back, the panic returned to his eyes.

"John, don't do this. Just be with me. Please."

John sighed. "I want to Rodney. I really do. I just need some time."

"And some time with Heightmeyer," Rodney added, just to be petty.

John surprised him by agreeing, "Yeah, probably. I think, um, maybe I should move out for a little while and work on things."

"You don't have to do that!" Rodney protested. "Who's going to massage my feet?"

John rolled his eyes. "Me, probably. I just don't want to mix up my feelings with wanting to raise a kid with you."

"If you want to raise a kid with me, then raise a kid with me. It's not as though sex and love and baby-making aren't all mixed up together anyway. Just stop rationalizing things and let yourself do what we both feel."

"How do I know I feel it?" John asked.

"You just do! It's part of being a person, John. Do you love me?"

"Yes," John responded so quickly that it had to be the truth.

"That's all that matters. We have the rest of our lives to work out the details. Just, tell me you'll stay and that you'll be my partner and a father to this kid and the sex thing can come when it comes."

John paused a long moment and despite temptation, Rodney didn't interrupt. 

Finally, John said. "Okay. You're the best relationship I've ever had, including my marriage. I know we can be good together, but I don't know how the sex thing will work out, if it ever does."

That would have to do.


	18. Significance

John had been a little scarce the past few weeks. He was around to give foot rubs as promised, but he and Rodney didn't spend as much time hanging out as usual. John was seeing Heightmeyer several times a week now and had tenatively posed a couples session in a few days. 

They had been more physically affectionate with each other, from chaste kisses at breakfast to cuddling on the couch when John did spend time at home, but there was a tension, uncertainty and frustration over when John would be ready to take the next step (again) in their relationship. 

Ronon and Teyla reported that they'd been beating John up more than usual, but other times Rodney would watch John's dot on the city censors sitting by itself on the West Pier. Rodney respected John's need to process these questions of sexuality and his obvious emotional baggage, but he was starting to get impatient. And horny. Rodney couldn't remember being this horny since high school. It doesn't help that John was just a room away, probably sleeping naked, spread out and waiting to be fucked.

Rodney would feel bad laying back in a pile of pillows and jerking off thinking about him, except after how much of a dick John'd been, Rodney feels entitled to his fantasies of fucking John against the wall of the shower or John blowing him under his desk or having one of John's massages turn into something more.

Now, Rodney was lightly stroking himself, relishing the mid-morning sun falling through the windows on his day off. He'd been actually following the nine to five routine since he got pregnant, though he found it much more boring without John there to goof off with him.

Today, none of his fantasies seemed good enough. Imagining John fucking him over the railing of their balcony had gotten him hard, but now he was listless, needing to come but not feeling inspired. Also, he really didn't want to have to get up in order to find more lube.

Rodney groaned loudly in frustration, not expecting his door to fly open a second later, a concerned John striding anxiously into the room, only to stop at the sight of Rodney in only a t-shirt, with his boxers tangled around one ankle and his dick in hand.

"Oh. Sorry, I thought you..." he blushed, not finishing.

Rodney couldn't help but grin, his cock jumping in his hand at the sight of John staring at him. Was it a good stare? A contemplative stare? Was John getting turned on? A part of Rodney didn't care, stroking himself harder, with one hand rubbing his now very sensitive nipples.

"John," he gasped. His vision had gone a little fuzzy with lust and want. Why did John have to be so difficult? Why couldn't he go with this?

"I should go," John said, but didn't budge from the spot.

"Or you could just come over here and touch me and save yourself the trouble of more sessions with Heightmeyer. God, John, I want you so bad. Please."

John took a step closer, looking dazed, but still transfixed by the sight of Rodney touching himself.

Siezing on that small victory, Rodney gave an exagerated moan, taking a moment to pull off his shirt, exposing his pregnant belly in all its glory. He ran a hand down the smooth surface, genuinly gasping at the sensation of soft hands on his skin, even though he'd much rather have it be John's hands than his own.

"That looks so wrong," John whispered. "But beautiful." He took another step closer.

Rodney nodded, biting his lip and arching his back as he sped up the movement of his hand a little. John thought something about him was beautiful. "I think about you all the time," Rodney said, grinning when it caused John to let out an involntary gasp. "I think about you touching me like this. I remember how it felt to fuck you, the way you'd squirm and beg me to fuck you harder."

John nodded, but didn't speak, stepping right up to the side of Rodney's bed.

"Forget the shrinks, John," Rodney pleaded. "All you need to do is just fuck me."

John reached a hand out, enclosing around Rodney's hand on his cock. Rodney cried out, but John's other hand firmly clasping around the base stopped him from coming. They stood frozen like that for a minute before Rodney yanked John down to kiss him, pouring all his frustration and want into the kiss and praying that John was onboard.

John kissed back enthusiastically, idly caressing Rodney's belly with one hand, while moving the other to cup his cheek.

"See, easy," Rodney panted when the kiss finally broke. He looked down and smiled at the hard outline of John's own cock straining against his pants and didn't waste a moment to reach for John's belt.

John pulled away, making Rodney whimper at the loss of contact, but he was soon back, naked and having retrieved the lube from Rodney's nightstand drawer. 

"Mmmmmm," Rodney agreed.

John popped the cap on the lube, looking at Rodney seductively from under his eyelashes before surprising Rodney and applying it to himself. John couldn't have stretched himself too much before he was yanking Rodney by the ankles so he was laying flat on his back.

"Hey," Rodney protested. But then John was straddling him and Rodney was sinking into tight, wet heat and pinching himself to keep from coming. 

John didn't waste a second, moving up and down on Rodney's cock, gasping each time Rodney brushed his prostate. John's cock leaked and rubbed a trail up and down Rodney's sensitive belly, making him moan from yet another intense sensation. The position was a little awkard, with John unable to balance on anything and leaning back to avoid putting pressure on the baby. But John looked even more beautiful than in all of Rodney's fantsies, brillaint and golden in the sunlight.

John's eyes narrowed to slits of pleasure, locking on to Rodney's as he deliberately impaled himself on Rodney's aching member, setting a steady pace, just short of what Rodney needed to come. Rodney knew it couldn't be good for his back, but he planted his feet on the bed and thrust up into John's tight channel.

"I'm close," he managed as he pushed himself deep into John, so deep that he imagined they were welded together, sealed at all points.

John's response was to grunt, his face twisted with pleasure as he spurted streams of come over Rodney's pregnant belly. John's muscles fluttering around him was all Rodney needed to come himself, slamming deep into John with a grunt.

He let John pull off and stand. He disappeared for a second while Rodney dozed, listening to the sounds of John filling the tub and feeling nothing but gratitude.

John popped his head back in a moment later, levering Rodney up without a word and leading him to soak in the tub, even more of a favorite pastime since the pregnancy. To Rodney's delight, John got in too, propping Rodney between his legs and resting his chin on Rodney shoulder while both his hands rubbed the baby bulge. 

"So, you've finally stopped acting like a crazy person," Rodney finally commented, hesitant to break the fantasy that they'd be doing exactly this for the rest of their lives. "What changed?"

John shrugged behind him, his arms tightening possessively around Rodney. "Heightmeyer has me talking about my childhood. I thought I didn't care about what my father thought, but I now realize that he'd done a lot to show us that he disapproved of homosexuals. He's most likely dead, in another galaxy, but a part of me still couldn't stand his disapproval. At least according to Heightmeyer."

"Internalized homophobia."

"I'm still straight." Rodney had heard enough of that particular protest.

"Me too, but I can't help but noticing how much fun we just had doing gay things to each other."

"Even without my father, I wouldn't have been cruising or going to circuit parties, but I obviously have some limited homosexual flexibility in me. I just happened to fall for a man."

"That's surprisingly rational of you," Rodney teased, turning to give John a kiss. The baby felt so much lighter in the water, so much so that Rodney almost forgot about it until he was pressing the bulge up against John's hairy front. "Though that's pretty much how I feel. I guess my brilliance rubbed off."

"Speaking of rubbing off," John joked as he grasped Rodney's surprisingly already half-hard cock.

"Mmmm," Rodney agreed, kissing John again and nipping him harshly in response to John tweaking his very sensitive nipples. 

Rodney forced himself to pull back. "We're okay, right? You're not going to freak out? We're going to do this?"

John placed both his hands firmly on Rodney's bulge, smiling and kissing him again. "We're doing this."


	19. Conclusions

Rodney came home to complete chaos, as usual. He could hear Emily and Tagan giggling loudly from somewhere behind the couch, which was draped in a sheet for the inevitable 'fort' phase. Torren was sitting at the dinner table studying and completely ignoring the noise around him.

Rodney could also hear Brendan's loud wail from upstairs. Rodney had no idea how genes from John and Miko, two of the quietest people Rodney knew, could produce a kid with capable of that many decibels of inhuman screech. He'd also been so rambunctious in the womb that Rodney had once threatened to scoop him out with a melon-baller, much to John's horror. In retaliation, John had threatened to run off with Dr. Biro (who John had graciously agreed to donate sperm to as a personal favor), who had been completely serene and not at all homicidal during her pregnancy. It wasn't a credible threat, considering that Biro was queerer than a three dollar bill, but that didn't stop Rodney from making John sleep on the couch for a night.

Speaking of which, John was descending the stairs, bringing the awful noise closer as he stepped through the Ancient force shield that served as a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs. "Take him," John commanded, thrusting the screaming child into Rodney's arms. "He wants his mommy."

"Two children and that joke never gets old," Rodney complained, taking Brendan and bouncing him up and down, making funny faces at him until the wail muted into a giggle. 

Besides, looking down at the slight bulge that John had started to develop, turn about would be fair play soon enough. Rodney just hoped that the new baby inherited Teyla's quiet reserve. Then again, Emily had been a quiet child. Maybe _Rodney_ had the quiet genes. Wouldn't that be ironic?

"Hey, honey, how was your day?"

"It was fine. I'm starting to wonder if Emily is doomed, considering that her egg donor just burned her eyebrows off for the seventh time since I've known her."

"But Simpson's a survivor if she's lost seven sets of eyebrows but no eyes."

"True. What about you? How was babysitting?"

"Torren was great as usual and Emily and Tagan have been good, but Brendan has been like this all day. He wouldn't even give me a break to throw up this morning."

John's morning sickness was far worse than Rodney's had ever been, even though everyone assured him that it wasn't unusual. Besides, it wasn't as though John was some poor kid in an after school special. He'd seen his husband threaten his first two children for all the grief they gave him in the womb, and even though Rodney was happy with two, John had wanted to carry one himself. Rodney didn't blame him. John had always been touchy about the subject after his miscarriage and Rodney saw this as a healing act for him. Healing with a side order of morning sickness, at least.

Rodney perched a now-quiet Brendan on his hip before leaning in to give John a proper kiss, cupping his slightly expanded stomach in the process. 

"Eww! Gross, Daddies!" Emily protested from where she peeked out from behind the couch. 

"Your daddies are going to do something a lot grosser when you're at Auntie Teyla and Uncle Kanaan's tonight," Rodney whispered, low enough for only John to hear. 

John chuckled, kissing Rodney sweetly, with just a hint of the dirtiness. Rodney hadn't been able to fuck John for the first three months of his pregnancy, because even though they had implanted their own fertilized egg with John and Teyla's genetic material, the machine had still made an egg from John's stem cells. They couldn't risk fertalizing that egg and having another molar pregnancy interfere with the baby. Carson had wanted to give it additional time to just to make sure, but tonight, with John halfway done with his fourth month, Rodney wouldn't finally get to fuck his husband again.

"I love you," he blurted out, heart hammering with the anticipation of alone time tonight.

"I love you too," John replied. "But if you keep this up, I won't be able to wait for Teyla and Kanaan to take their turn with the rug rats and we're going to have some pretty traumatized kids on our hands."

Rodney laughed, giving John one final, chaste kiss before Brendan kicked up his banshee wail again. "And to think, you didn't want all this."

"I didn't need my eardrums anyway." John winced as Brendan both screeched and tried to stick his finger up Rodney's nose, but his eyes shone with happiness. "I still don't know what exactly Long Term Socio Strategic Planning is supposed to mean."

"It think it's a code word for the city's biological clock going off," Rodney replied. "But I'm glad it happened." He couldn't imagine being happier.

"Me too."


End file.
